to think this much contact with child's mother is too much or AIBU?

[Lorddenning1]

Good morning Ladies

I have a little issue that is annoying me at the moment and I need some help/tools/ a good talking to, to move past it.
I am currently in a relationship with a guy that has a little girl with someone else.
So not to drip feed, he was dating a women for a few months and she didnt take the pill properly and he did not use a condom, so she got pregnant. it has been frosty between them from the start as she did not allow him to see the little girl, as he did not want a relationship with the mother. He took her to the courts to gain access, but missed out on the first year of her life, anyways the court ruled in his favour and he know sees his little girl every weekend and once during the week. Her mother is quite demanding, and can be unreasonable with her request, for example, go and get me food and can u do my garden etc, up to now he has been doing all this to keep her sweet, so she doesnt take her away again. he has had contact with her for over a year now and all is going well.
I on the other hand have 2 DS and was with my ex for 9 years. we do not get along that well, he has a new partner, pays minimum maintenance and he is a narcissist (in a nutshell).

Since his daughters Mother has found out about me, she has ramped up her request, she added him on social media, added me on social media, wants my phone number, picked up her daughter from my house unexpectedly etc.its almost like she is obsessed with it and cant get on with her own life and wants to be included into ours, which is the opposite of me and my ex.
So the thing that is annoying me and comes between me and my fella is the fact she can ring/text him every single day. every time i hand him his phone, there is a text off her, at first it didnt bother me and i am quite secure in my relationship and understand they have a child together and they need to speak, but it used to be 1/2 times a week, now its every day, sometimes 2/3 times a day. I am all for them getting along and it is good for their daughter, but does anyone else think this is a bit much, last night she text him late on and asked if he was up, i told him to reply yes in case his daughter was sick and she needed some help, he wanted to ignore her, but it wasnt, it was just a generic message about what their daughter had done that day, that could of waited until he picked her up the next time. to be honest its causing me to be bit jealous and i dont know why, he is not interested and he agrees that she has upped the communication between them and to be fair it is all about their daughter and sometimes personal stuff too about her family etc.
AIBU here, if so how can i move past it and not get annoyed?
if im not, how can we tell her to back off a bit, my fella is scared of upsetting her in case she tries to take his daughter away again.

TIA

anyone?

OK how long have you been together and how long has she been doing this?

He has court agreed contact so she can't just stop it. If she starts to get funny then he takes her back to court. She has to give valid reasons to the court. Keep dates and times of favour refusal and when contact was altered in "revenge"

Whatever her reasons for doing it, I can see why it irks you. Try not to rise to the bait. Let her tire herself out with the crap. When she asks if he's awake say yes and if the response is twaddle, ignore it. She doesn't need your number or social media so put a stop to that cos it's weird and awkward AF.

Just be civil but don't bend over backwards

We have been together for nearly a year, (we were friends before this) she has known about us since Feb, but i would say she has only been doing this in the last month or so.
do you think she will get get bored of it when she gets a boyfriend and that i should ride it out until then.
He does have a court order, but he says nothing is stopping her from saying she is unwell on the day he has her etc and then a few weeks go by, then he would have wait for a court date etc, and all the while he is missing out again, after he now has a bond with her :(
he has started to put more boundaries in place now, but its the texting and ringing everyday thats annoying me :(
do you think the ignoring would go down well?

Curious that it has ramped up in the last few months though.

Also, he seems to have sold you a bit of a sob story 'oh it was all her fault cause she messed up her pill...oh boohoo she wouldn't let me see the child because I didn't want a relationship with her waaaa. Oh she makes me run around after her doing things like a puppet waaaa' you sure current bloke isn't another narcissist?

Sounds a lot like narcissistic triangulation to me. When they make you think the other woman is crazy or obsessive or for some reason they can't just cut contact down ect...when actually they are the one manipulating it all, pulling both your strings.

I know u have a right to be suspicious based on the information i have given u above, but its all backed up by friends and family, she really did put him through the ringer, he has all the messages from her as proof and even the judge saw through her act.
It isnt rose tinted glasses but he is the nicest guy i have ever met, he would do anything for anyone, hence the reason he has been bending over backwards to keep the peace. We were friends before we got together, so i know he has had a rough time with her. He admits it was both their fault as he didnt use a condom either and he should of done. I have lived with a narcissist for the last 9 years, he is nothing like that.

That's good then, at least you know he isn't fuelling the flames or something then.

But I don't think you can ask him to just ignore her, that isn't really your right unfortunately. He has a kid with her and tbh lot is probably actually a good thing if they are on good terms. Should he try cut back the convos with her? Maybe. But that's really up to him.

You say he is a nice guy, so have faith in him and don't let her bother you anymore, he chose you not her.

Thank you for your honest opinion and advice, your right I can't ask him to ignore her and I would never do that, I knew I'm being a little unreasonable, but I can't help the way I feel either.
I obviously compare them to me and my ex, and see a big difference. I just wanted someone to give me some advice who didn't know me and could give me an honest opinion.
For now I am going to try and rise above it and hope she gets bored once she gets a fella, and I'm going to try and not let it come between us.

I was in the same situation, the ex was texting my partner 10 times a day about even the weather when she first found out we were together, before she knew all she'd text him is 'when are you getting DD because i'm going out'. I bit my tongue and just accepted that soon enough she'd get bored of trying to make me feel insecure because i think thats all she was trying to do! After about 2 months she did get bored, she found a new boyfriend and cut contact down to minimum again, my advice is ride it out as long as you can and eventually she'll be bored of not getting a rise out of you

Thank you @Fluffyunicorn98 I have a feeling she is doing it to wind me up but I thought I was maybe being paranoid, I think ur right, I need to ride it out for a bit and see what happens. My fella hasn't said anything to her so I'm hoping she doesn't know that it's getting to me

tell her to fuck off and block her.

She can try to control him with the kid but she cannot control you.

if I was you personally id tell him to drop contact and only see the kid or id be off. Be a man not a mouse and put her straight. Is his balls in your handbag or something hahaha