Relationship/feeling lonely

[DianneL]

Hello all.
Please forgive me if I go on a little - I need to rant.

I have been in my current Relationship 20 years, he is my First true love.
None of us have never been unfaithful.

We have 3 children, our youngest is 19 months old. When I found out we was exspecting our 3rd we was so excited and couldn't wait the trouble is I know that means no intimacy for the duration of the pregnancy, he has a problem with it.
The thing is we have only had sex Once since our child was born, it's also got to where he's sleeping on the couch (3.5 months) he makes excuses the bedroom is too hot, the fan is too loud.
I try and ask him is everything alright & told him I feel so lonely.
His reply sorry what did you say.
He's a fabulous dad to our kids, but I dont know how much longer I can carry on like this.
I love him so much him & the kids are my world... I'm so lost.

Any advice would be much appreciated - please no nasty comments or nasty remarks has they will be ignored.

Thank you for reading. X

You're going to have to ask him directly.

"I can't live without sex. Why aren't we having it?"

He has become used to not having sex and is now a bit scared to try in case it doesn't quite work. Not unusual. Be nice and affectionate, especially when you go to bed - oh I note he doesn't join you in bed but you could ask him to with no expectations. Or be nice and affectionate on the sofa! This may result in him relaxing and one thing leading to another. However make sure you don't get pregnant again. That could be something he is worried about.

Best of luck .

Thank you for your reply.
He's definitely not worried about me getting pregnant, that's not gonna happen.
Being nice I'm at my wits end of trying - he has none of it no matter if I try and it's not so much about the sex it's the affection, feeling lost and lonely.
I ask him all the time you coming to bed.
I am tired and I do my best but I dont know how much more I can do.
I miss him more than anything:(

Very difficult for you. Not giving or receiving affection is hurtful.

I hope someone else comes along and brings another point of view.

Take care.

OP,
I think you need to have a heart to heart with him as soon as possible. Get a babysitter, arrange a meal out, or even better a night away somewhere, and talk to him

Tell him how this lack of affection is making you feel. Explain you might be ok with no sex for a while, but that you can't cope with the total lack of intimacy.

I've been through this with my XW, and I wish you the best..

AverageGuy

Thank you, I wanted him to come to the Spa day with me in Two weeks, Im gonna ask over and over until he gives in.
Has I think it's the perfect time when both of us are relaxed and not stressed over work..
He has declined 3 times, if he's not willing to give me something has much as I love & care for him the only thing I am gonna do is ask him to leave.
We all need someone to hold.
I am scared if nothing changes it will start to affect the kids - its sad when it feels like I am living with my best friend.
I will keep trying to find out what the problem is, but hes not much of a talker.

Now this may not be the case at all, but that is how I behaved with my ex when I wasn't happy in the relationship. You need to find a way to get him to open up to you because if that is how he is feeling that's not fair on you or the little ones or even him.

OP,
I hope that you managed to convince him to go to the spa, and have had a chance to talk to him.

I'm desperately hoping that there is no hint of him cheating, and that it's "just" the after affects of the pregnancy.

Please post back with an update.. I'm invested!