Please help me to put my mind at ease

[Sheep90]

Hi there,
Hoping someone can put my mind at ease. After many years of stress and unhappiness in my childhood, one of my parents is no longer in my life. This has been my choice and a decision I made to protect myself. I have blocked all contact via phone/ WhatsApp, etc as said parent has been unkind via those channels and I don't want the possibility of them messaging me- I just want closure.

I'm expecting my first child and I'm worried that my parent will assume this changes the situation and that they will be entitled to access. I don't want this and have good reasons for not wanting it. I don't want drama, I don't want to cause any hurt, I just want to look after myself and my child. As far as I'm concerned, what the child needs above all is a happy and emotionally-safe mother and positive role models.

As the moment my pregnancy is private, but family will soon know so it isn't the kind of information that can be hidden from my parent.

Please can someone reassure me that, as the child's mother, I can decide who is in his or her life and that biological grandparents aren't automatically entitled to access?

As far as I know you are right: biological grandparents do not automatically have a right to access their grandchildren. Is one of the reasons you have ended contact perhaps that they were controlling and domineering? You sound scared. Sympathies

Stick to your guns, and make sure your partner or best friend is on the same page, and can maybe help if needed to reinforce the message.

Thanks @NCBabyBoy

Yes, they were emotionally abusive and put an awful lot of stress on me growing up. They lack the ability to empathise and see anything beyond their own needs and have been vile to me and other family members. There's not much of a willingness for them to take responsibility for their actions.

Thanks @spongebobjudgeypants it has taken me years to be able to stand up for myself but I feel like I'm doing the right thing! My partner is a huge support and I have good support from many other family members too

Under current UK law grandparents do not automatically have visitation rights. However they can apply through court to have these. It's a long costly process and is a lot more difficult than parental rights

researchbriefings.parliament.uk/ResearchBriefing/Summary/CDP-2017-0120

Thank you @soconfusedandlost the bit about grandparents having to apply so that applications that aren't in the 'best interests of the child' aren't taken to court is reassuring.

Given that this parent wasn't hugely involved in raising me and openly talked about what a financial burden having kids was, I'm doubting they'd have a leg to stand on! I'm preparing myself for empty threats and, possibly, being made out to be a bad parent as a way of getting to me though

@sheep90 glad I could help. Going through something similar with my son's father at moment. Generally someone like this won't actually go through with anything to see the child so don't let it stress you when they take the first step if that

Pretty sure they would only have a chance in court if they had a very strong and long lasting relationship with the child, not in your circs. Good luck with baby 👶

@soconfusedandlost sorry to hear you're going through a tough situation. I hope you're okay.

I can imagine if (and I highly doubt it would ever come to this) I were to end up in court over this, I would have plenty of reasons that adequately justify wanting no contact. I'd confidently represent myself if I had to

Thanks @notthetoothfairy given that I'm not in contact with my parent, I can't imagine any court allowing my child to have contact against my wishes. It would put a huge amount of stress on me and that in itself is not in the child's best interests