Is he just rude or....

[NC19892]

So I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, we have a daughter. Recently we have been experiencing issues and started therapy, much to his dismay. Ever since we started this anytime he walks into any of my families homes he won’t talk to anyone, not even a hello, not to my mum and yet all of them have been nothing but nice to him dispite his treatment of me. He’ll walk into the homes, straight past everyone and just nothing as if he owns the place then will speak once they ask him how he is. I have brought it up to him and said it’s out of order.

My question is he just being a rude and sulky twat or could it be his way of coping?

@Jaffacakesaremyfave, I’ll get onto a solicitor and see if I can do recordings. I have texts where I have asked him not to call our daughter names and how it may affect her in future. I took snapshots of those just in case. To be honest it was when I thought I was going crazy and thought I was the one being abusive that I realised something wasn’t right. Still have days where I do think, because he is dipping between nice and vile, but they’re few and far between..

@AFistfulofDolores1 you’re right could probably do with therapy, I’m very emotional and also fearful or have been a lot so. Yer need to sort that out!

What are you doing trying to make it work with this man? He calls a small baby names? I'd have ended it over that. Never mind the rest of the shit he's putting you and your family through.

End it. Do therapy on your own. Your future self will thank you. As will your daughter.

@Bluntness100, to be quite honest only thing that made me agree to working on it was him crying.. if not we’d be done. The name calling of DD was what really done it for me, so we left the home that he owns as I don’t want her seeing our relationship or lack of and think it is meant to be like that. Really though all I had to do is look at his parents relationship and his grandparents to tell me all I needed to know. Both women deeply unhappy, although would never admit it and having to hold their tongues and do as the husband says.

What I need now is the strength not to end it but to stick with it even when he cries.

Just do recordings anyway, you don't need permission. Absolutely appalling name calling a little baby... the tears are all part of the manipulation. Start feeling angry... and dump the twat.

Ok. Then give yourself the strength. Exactly what names is this piece of shit calling his infant child?

Shit, little shit, shit factory.. those are to her. But he always said to me she is looking like a right P*ki today, which is when I left. Our DD is mixed Pakistani/Jamacian/White with the Pakistani being from him but I still don’t care if it’s his background no one is calling my daughter that, to her face or not

Jesus op.

You listen to a man call your child those names and he cries and you stick with it? Where's your anger? Your outrage? For your child.

To contemplate letting her grow up with this abuse. To have her confidence destroyed.

Because what? He cried?

I’m angry and outraged and hoping to find a way that I can ensure that he only gets supervised visits.

But yes he cried and I said ok we can work on our relationship, we aren’t living with him anymore nor am I intending to again. As I agree no child should be subjected to a father calling her those names, or worse.

Of course I don't mind and yes he was very much like that.

There was also plenty of this....

If I say otherwise then it’s either my fault or is untrue (to the extent of completely rewriting history).

What I need now is the strength not to end it but to stick with it even when he cries.

Don't fall for this old chestnut of crocodile tears, they can smell empathy a mile away.

He sounds absolutely vile.

@Closetbeanmuncher that certainly will be where the strength comes in, when someone cries it’s just in my nature to comfort, I’m very empathic, but then in doing this it makes it seems like I’m backing down. I’m just going to have to put up hard walls.

And yes with the rewriting history, or the minimising. When I brought up the sexting his response was ‘ I was a year a go and although it was very stupid nothing was ever going to happen’ or calling DD names ‘you know I was joking don’t you? I wouldn’t ever mean something like that’. I hate it when he does that.. the questions, you know I love you two don’t you? And I think wait who are you trying to convince me or you.. and how I even respond to such a question.

So lucky I’m not living with him now. Just need to protect DD and also not fall for his manipulative ways.

So he is manipulative
He is controlling
He is very abusive
He is rude beyond belief
He is disrespectful
He is selfish
He's a sex pest
He stonewalls you
He is trying to cheat on you (and probably has already)
He sexts other women
He calls your daughter horrible names

WTF are you trying to save this?
He's an absolute tosser.

End it and tell him to get to fuck!

And then please contact Womens Aid and do their Freedom Programme quick sharp.
You've ignored piles and piles of red flags here and continue to do so.

Thanks @hellsbellsmelons, just signed up for the freedom programme. I did miss a lot of red flags, but that’s why I got out of there as soon as I realised. My main thing now is keeping my DD safe and also building up my strength as whether I like it or not he is going to be around for sometime I just need him at a distance.

could be introverted don't be so harsh hes not a cunt as one poster commented. Familiarise yourself with the spectrum range for asd etc. I have it and you wouldn't know unless I go to his families house then I'm quiet.