Potential date and drinking

[loveyoutothemoon]

Seems to be a bit of a drinker, how do you ask how much they drink without sounding accusatory?

Oh and I don’t think you need to ask because he has already told you. And like I said he either doesn’t realise it is heavy drinking and not attractive or he will know and be minimising.

The reason he mentions it a lot is because it is part of his life and he is telling you that.

I'd go on the date and keep my eyes open for issues. People don't tend to wave their red flags early on, but who knows? We certainly don't

Urgh, no I wouldn’t go. Someone who drinks a few beers on a Tuesday night because they’ve ran out of spirits is not someone I’d be compatible with.

When I was dating it usually became clear really quickly if someone had a drink problem. Every message and ‘what are you up to?’ response would involve alcohol in one way or another, they’d reference kicking back with a few beers nearly every night, how drunk they got at the weekend etc. I met one guy on Tinder who was all of the above, so I asked him how often he usually drank and he said most nights. So I just didn’t bother meeting up with him.

I'm taking your comments on board, thank you.
To the poster who said I sounded 14- I said casual but I don't mean that, my apologies. What I mean is a relationship which fits around each others busy lives, (and when you don't live too close together).
Also, can you not fall in love with someone that you see once a week? What about people that agree not to live with each other but are very happy with their arrangement?
Some posters obviously aren't getting what I wrote because nowhere did I say that I thought a glass of wine at lunch time made someone a drinker
I think I now know what to do, it's just a shame when someone sounds nice but I need to be ticking the right boxes.
I do want to fall in love, I've been very happily single for years, but want to meet the right person and I'm wary from a lot of shit experiences.

I wouldn't bother
I've dated two men who would have said similar about "drink most days but not an alcoholic ha ha"
One drank two bottles of wine. Every single night without fail
The other drank every night and couldn't have a night in watching TV without a beer in his hand
I'm happy with a brew and with number 1 I eventually started flinching when I heard wine being opened. And he drove the morning after

OK, so I need to tell him, I can't ignore his messages! So do I say "I think you're a lovely guy but I don't think we'd be compatible as regards to drinking" ??

No need to mention drinking. Just say you are looking for different things.

OK but then he'll just ask what I'm looking for!

Be honest?

No do not tell him its about the drinking. All he will then do is tell you its not as bad as he made out/was joking. Just tell him you're just not on the same page at the moment or you're just not ready to see anyone.

Or go on one "meet for coffee" type date ? It's what 2 hours out of your life ?

Personally, I wouldn't go out with this guy, My ex was a drinker, though I didn't know the extent of it until we were together. the whole "I'll have a few before bed" is a massive red flag to me-
even if it is casual I'd still find that a problem -

You haven't even met him, you don't need to give him a reason. Just say you have changed your mind and wish him luck.

Surely you can just arrange to meet him for a coffee, you are not committing to marriage, seems odd to write someone off so quickly before even meeting them , another reason I am glad I did my dating the old fashioned way, everything seems to be over analysed these days.

So basically this guy, who you haven't met, has told you that he drinks a lot (of course, not an alcoholic - the fact he had to tell you that says something.)

And you have told him, without even seeing him, have told him you wouldn't mind having sex every now and then?

Come on! It's one thing to say that to someone you know, but to a complete stranger? Are you crazy?

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

How have you dealt with your previous shit relationships?. Have you ever looked at the freedom programme run by Women’s aid?. Your boundaries need some work I think because you are not consistent about what you want in a relationship. Saying casual and one hand and wanting to fall in love are two very different things.

And no, I would not see this man you’ve been referring to.