Hiding dysfunctional family from new relationship.

[glossypop]

So I’ve been in a new relationship for 6 months (Im 30 years old) he is amazing and we recently went over to Scotland so I could meet his family who are such lovely ‘normal’ people who are fairly well off and just a nice close family.

He is a down to earth guy but likes nice things in life just like myself and I’ve worked hard to make a career for myself and I have a nice life. I grew up on a council estate with a single mum who has long standing mental health issues she doesn’t work and although outwardly appears well put together is an extremely volatile dysfunctional woman with a personality disorder. I am fairly close with my mum despite how she is as I suppose I’m just used to how she is now but deep down I feel very ashamed of my family (and I hate to say that) my mum no longer talks to my grandparents after a huge argument and in my extended family everyone is dysfunctional with personality disorders/mental illnesses and haven’t spoken to each other in years. I get along fairly well with my brother who is only 24 but moved from home to live with his girlfriend as he couldn’t stand living with my mother anymore. As the years go by my family just seems to get worse and worse :(

My boyfriend doesn’t know about any of this I’ve only told him a few little things as I’m really embarrassed and think that he might think differently of me if he knows all this so I’ve been putting off introducing to my family my mum in particular. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of my family as no ones is perfect and I probably should have just been upfront about this when we first met but now I’m just so worried. What should I do?

Just tell him. If he judges you on the basis of your dysfunctional family then he isn't such a catch after all.
I also have a dysfunctional family and a boyfriend with a lovely close family. I've told him all about my family, he is lovely and supportive and understands why I don't want to introduce him to them. Eventually I suppose I will have to but really it is not me that should feel ashamed but my family.

Very true @Mycatatetherat ! I suppose if it was the other way around because I care about him I wouldn’t judge him for it so if he does then that says more about him ;)

You got your answer in 1 reply, OP!
Don't worry. Honestly if he's right for you he'll love and support you.

Congrats on finding a happy relationship.

Exactly. In fact he should think more of you for doing so well in life in spite of your background. Anyone can do well when they've had a happy, stable upbringing, it takes a special kind of person to do well when they've had an upbringing like we had!

Yes, you should tell him a reasonable amount- not the whole thing at once, as you might despite all best efforts, alarm him.

And if you want him to meet your mother, just ensure it's kept brief, and at a venue where there is least likely to be anything untoward happen.

After all, in the end the amount he has to do with your family is likely to be absolutely minimal.

Hope all stays well.