Anyone had a loong and bad rough patch but survived?

[Rhica]

..and when do you call it day?

Been with my husband 15 years and have a 2 year old together. Never been an easy relationship but we love each other and it works (or worked)

For last 7 months we've barely talked and barely had sex. Anyway has anyone been through something similar and come out the other side? Or do we need to admit defeat and call it a day?

I don't think there is cheating involved. we have a nice life. Comfortable financially. And like our jobs reasonably enough. His dad is very very ill so that could be an explanation why he is so closed but the troubles started before we really knew what was wrong with his dad

Weve had troubles before but never this long. Usually a holiday sorts us out but had 3 this year and still going round in circles.

Yes - went through a really terrible time and have worked so hard to get back on track. OP it is worth it. Give it everything. Either way you know you have tried.

Thanks @changedforlife just what I wanted to hear 🙂 Just need to figure out how to break the cycle before it breaks us

Us. Together 10 years, 2DC, first was unplanned and very early on in the relationship, so its been a rocky ride from the start. The last 16 months have been the worst. Not helped by DH and I both having very demanding jobs. I've cut back as far as I can (think freelance)with mine essentially to hold our marriage together, which I've been quite resentful about, but DH doesn't get a cutting back option, he can have a job or not. We've found a brilliant couples counsellor (we've seen a few truly shit ones in the past)and i've also had my own therapist (to keep me sane) for the last 18 months. (we probably spend more on therapy than some people spend on their mortgage). But it has helped hugely. We talked a lot about separating. I don't think I could actually pull the plug (there is no infidelity and no DV), and eventually around Christmas DH said he was leaving. But he didn't. and somehow we got back on track and things are better than they've ever been. I think we are a lot more respectful of each other now and better at giving each other space. I don't think we are ever going to have a sailing into the sunset type of marriage, but I do know that he is solid as a rock and will go to the ends of the earth to 'do the right thing' by me and DC, and that in itself makes me very happy. For me personally I know that psychologically I'd struggle hugely with the guilt and sense of failure of separating/divorcing (I'd be fine financially with or without his support, so money was never a reason to stay), so I'd say it was worth it, but I know many, maybe most, would have walked away years ago. If you think you can keep going a bit longer I'd really encourage you to, and see a therapist if you can afford it. You never know, you might just turn the corner.

Interesting thread as we are in the rocky patch too. Only had sex once this year. Long drought :(

Yes. When the children were small it was very difficult, I thought about leaving every day. We are both damaged by our childhoods, and really we each needed somebody to nurture us. I have managed to scrap together a semblance of self esteem, and this has helped.

I hope you manage to work through things, your daughter is very tiny and that puts pressure on any relationship and can also bring up stuff from your own past.
Courage

Had a very rough three years due to physical and mental health issues. Sex perhaps twice in this period, was every day before the bad patch hit. Things are starting to calm down and we're seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Still lots going on, but we've started the cuddling/holding hands/kissing again and things are just lighter and happier.

Meh, wanted to NC, oh well...