Help me word message re making a decision to take this to the next stage

[Rejectthetossers]

I met someone via OLD in March and there was a very definate mutual attraction,great sex & get on brilliantly and I would really like to be thinking about making a go of a serious relationship , which would take an effort due to distance, him working away and us both having kids - we are only able to really meet every other week end .
He has openly admitted that he's scared of getting hurt or me meeting someone else whilst he's working away and has stated that he's trying not to get 'too attached' ! I'm fully prepared to accept he's really not that into me (despite him saying otherwise)
I have got to the stage where I need him to decide where if anywhere this is going and if he doesn't see a long term future together then I'm not wasting my time with someone who doesn't feel the same way ...
Can anybody help with a ' don't contact me until you decide what you want ' message ?

I really think it is way too early to be going that that path and of someone sent me a text like that it would really put me off.

down that path

Thats a bit drama queeny to send a text like that. Could you not just speak to him next time you see him. Say something along the lines of ‘I know you don’t want a relationship right now but I like you, would like to carry on seeing you and see where this goes. If you definitely don’t want to see where this goes then I think we should stop seeing each other as I’m starting to develop feelings for you.’

Things are always misinterpreted in texts. If you’re face to face or even on the phone if logistics make that difficult then it’s more likely you’ll understand each other.

Maybe not a "don't contact me until you decide what you want" but a "before we go any further I would like us to decide wether we want to pursue a serious relationship as I really like you and would like to give that a go, I appreciate it might not be what you are after and will respect your decision but I would like to know where we stand" .

Maybe not worded that way as I'm no good at wording things but the "don't contact me " is a bit harsh IMO?

I'm not sure there's much point to it if you can only see each other once a fortnight.

If he says he's trying not to get too attached despite you two dating then that means he's not that into you.

I would message him or wait until you see him.amd say that daring is to see whether you like each other and don't see the point of dating whilst trying not to get too attached and it's not the type of relationship you're looking for.

That’s way too intense and the averagely sane person wouldn’t be able to offer commitment after about 8 or so dates.

Why not just enjoy the relationship at this early stage and get to know each other. Six - eight months is when you decide if the relationship has legs. Longer if you see each other infrequently.

If you want a discussion do it face to face. At the most ask if you can move to in a relationship status.

Not wanting to get attached = this is all you're getting .

Your message should read: you're right not to get too attached and I feel the same way. I don't think you see a long term future or getting attached would be the goal not an issue. Let's just be friends going forward.

I'm concerned that your first instinct is to put this in a text message 😲
If you aren't enjoying the journey and need to get to a destination with someone else quickly, then ask him when you see him if he thinks you can make it work in the future. But I think you already have your answer.
On the other hand, if you change your thinking, he could be a handy distraction and good company for years - but no more.

I’d give it a bit longer and have the conversation face to face.

I wouldn’t bother constructing anything , it sounds like he has already “set out his stall” so to speak, if he was wanting to be more serious he would have done something to let you know that already.
Move on , date others that are perhaps logistically more viable as long term relationship material.

I agree with those who think this is rather too early for you to be pushing the issue, and a face to face chat has to be better than a text.

One thing you could concentrate on is him having said he is scared of you meeting someone else while he is working away. Maybe you could bring that up and ask him if he would rather you not stay on the OLD site - but make it clear that if he is asking for exclusivity that works both ways.

It seems to me like he's already told you what he wants loud and clear.

'I need him to decide where if anywhere this is going' - he's already answered that for you surely?

Have you had the "exclusive" chat?
If you're getting involved then now i the time to have a conversation about where it is going.
Ask yourself could you just have a casual relationship or are you lining yourself up to be hurt. Better sooner than later.