Twin brother hates my long term partner

[89Tasha]

Hello guys.
So I'm turning the big 3.0 next month and our mother has kindly offered her house to throw a big party with family and friends.
However my brother strongly my partner of 5 years. Yes I have confided in my family in the past about problems in my relationship however they are resolved and we are stronger then ever.
My brother cannot let go of this hatred which i find worrying.
He has not said he will not be having a party wit my for OUR bday if my partner is there.
I really don't know what to do as I find this quote immature . Please help

What are his reasons for hating your partner? What problems did you have?

If my sibling experienced any form of abuse, domestic violence, for example, there is no I would stand to be in the same room as her partner. If he cheated, then I could try to ‘accept’ that if he showed true remorse.

Depends on the underlying reasons I suppose.

It's a difficult one, possibly linked to whatever the "problems" were and their seriousness and / or your reaction.

I've had similar with friends, where you listen and offer support when they tell you all their woes, how awful a partner is, how they're planning on leaving the partner etc etc ..., and years on, apparently everyone's happy again. Try as I might, I can't just forget the friend telling me their partner was abusive or whatever .... so find it difficult to plaster on a smile when I meet the partner. Obviously I know it's not that easy to leave, and everyone's got their reasons.

But if it's been anything along those lines, I can kind of see where your twin is coming from unfortunately.

If you've just had a "light hearted" moan about your partner leaving socks on the floor once, then it's possibly an over-reaction on your twin's part though.

I can't stand my dsis partner. He has said and done some terrible things to her and her dc that I cannot forgive or forget. Unfortunately this does mean family events happen that he isn't invited too and often my dsis won't come if he can't. I don't really think there is anything you can do to change your db mind, sorry. You might have to celebrate separately and perhaps the two of you could do something together without your partner there.

I do agree with pp though, depends what the issues were!

I agree it depends on what the past problems were

Well we can't say until you say what your partner has done. For your twin to hate him, he must've done something pretty bad.

This is always a risk if you confide in your family about something you later forgive.

Does he have a reason to hate him?

Have the party without dp, celebrate with dp (and other friends) another day. Or..
Don't go to party, it will just be for your bro. Risks upsetting everyone but your partner.
I would have the party, and go out with partner separately.

Depends what those "issues" were. 🤔

"Stronger than ever", or wishful thinking and a bit of trauma bonding?

Okay so my bf cheated on me 2 years ago. We have spoke about this and have moved forward . We are happier then ever . My brother doesn't care and has said he doesn't want to have a party if my partner is going to be there celebrating with me

I've said to my brother we (me and him) can celebrate on our actual bday and on the Friday . But the Saturday is the party and I want my partner there too

And was it some random one night thing or an outright affair?

It was a month long. My brother has cheated on all his gfs and has done worse things. He has had Gfs in the past that I've really not liked at all. He's even ended up with a criminal record because one of his ex's lead him down the wrong road. I didn't say anything to her as it's not my relationship. All I care if for my brothers happiness and I don't understand why he can't be the same

We are already doing something just me and my brother but the party is for all friends and family but he has still said if my boyfriend steps foot in the house he is going home and the party is over for us both

What does your mum think? If only one twin will be there, will she cancel or go ahead?

My mum isn't happy with how my brother is acting but she does want us both there . She doesn't understand why he is acting like this . It's my life and I choose who in it.

Your mother is having a party for her twins 30th birthday. If your brother doesn't want your dp there then that should be the end of it, the party isn't for him & I'm quite sure your DM would rather have her son at his own 30th birthday party than your dp.
Whatever issues he has with your dp & you have with your brother there are 364 other days in the year to address them.

he will get over it

Thanks everyone for the replies . The party is now off. Why should I have to keep picking between my twin and my long term partner . It's not a position I will play anymore .