Unplanned pregnancy - argh help please

[otterturk]

Im in quite a pickle. I'm backpacking around the world and due to be out until November. Las wet year I broke up with someone I love with my whole heart and just before I left we rekindled. He doesn't want children and is brilliant but erratic. I fooled myself for years thinking this may change.

There was an unsaid understanding that I may hook up with other people as I'm away so long but also that we will be together when I'm home around Christmas.

A few weeks ago I met an amazing man from England (northern, unlike me). He wants all I want, he's dependable smart and great. It's a headfuck and I've just found out I'm now pregnant despite protection. I'm 31 with my own house and income, but holy hell what the actual F am I going to do on so many counts?! My mind is scrambled. Please no judgment just advice.

Thank you so so much. I'm now feeling ridiculously excited.

Congratulations on the baby!
Whether or not things work out with the baby's dad, this pregnancy may turn out to be a real blessing. In your heart you seem to know things with your ex would never give you a family life. This baby may be unexpected, but putting a close to your intermittent relationship will be easier this way and gives you a fresh start.

It's a bonus that you have great family support, and it sounds as though the dad wants to be involved. Hopefully he'll be a good co-parent, and from what you say he has dependable qualities that your ex doesn't. Good luck to you!

@otterturk go for it. Best decision I made was to keep my baby, I was 16 and terrified, he's 19 now and my best friend, biggest support, bar my husband, and amazing with his three much younger siblings. I was also on the pill and used condoms with three of my pregnancies!! The fourth one I also had the morning after pill as my youngest was 13 months and I didn't think I'd cope, ''twas meant to be though!!

You'll make an amazing mum. Good luck!! 😘

Should have put, had the morning after pill after the Vinson split

Yes I really do want it. So much. We have so much support between us and after knowing each other for 3days I got very very sick and he ran about town at 6am to get medication, he carried (and still does) all my bags, he is the most open and kind person. Early days.

Thank you for your support and would it be ok to keep the thread active as I come to terms etc with all? I'm bloody scared!

Then congratulations :) you're in a good position to have a baby, even if you end up going it alone - you're in a better place than many.

It may not be the ideal start to "family life" that you dreamt of, but it is far far far from the worst start this baby could have. You'll clearly love the child, and you're able to provide, and the Dad seems as promising as you could hope for given the early days of it all... so congratulations!

Enjoy! And being scared is totally normal. Heck, I was scared and I was married and had been trying for babies for a lot of years when I first got pregnant! I think the fear is natural!

Thank you flipsy, you absolute angel.

The dad is talking about marriage and doing it all properly. I'm rational as fuck IRL but I would love my baby to have its parents together.

Qué Sera Sera

Also start hammering the folic acid into you since presumably you haven't been taking it.

A good Prenatal multi vitamin with folic acid.

And don't eat anything unpasteurised (or anything remotely dodgy that could cause food poisoning).

I'm anaemic and my Vietnamese iron pills apparently contain FA!

Brilliant! I would probably swap to a UK/US prenatal though, if you can get it.

Also if yourself and new man are going to have unprotected sex, ideally you should both get STD screen.

Yay!! Congratulations!!

Ignore the posters with a distinct lack of empathy 🙄

It's daunting when you first see a positive. But exciting too if you want to be pregnant!

I agree with PP, def go slow with the Dad. You will still be connected now for the rest of your lives. Keep yourself financially stable and independent.

Folic Acid is essential. You need 400ųg daily. Boots do a great supplement of Vit D and Folic Acid combined.

Very excited for you and glad you are happy OP!!

I can see how this would be a lot to take in, but you're going to be a mum, and thats just an amazing thing.

I think your ex is an ex for a reason and your circumstances have now changed. Some people are great for some things. I had an ex who was just brilliant he was exciting, caring, spontaneous and all round a bit crazy wild, not ideal parent though.

This guy is only new in the scene but is happy about it. You know he is the dad, so put his bloody name on the birth certificate !!! Obviously be cautious with him though as you have only just met

And last thing .......CONGRATULATIONS, take care of yourself and your baby 💐💐💐💐💐

You're all amazing thank you.

To PP who mentioned unprotected sex, we used a condom and have both had check ups every 3 months - in fact it's something we bonded over as well as politics, morals, everything

Oh bourbon and flip youve made me cry in a good way thank you

When you know, you know!

We got married in 1979 nine weeks after meeting. Two kids, 40 years later we're still married. I won't lie and say it's always easy, but we still have each other's backs. In June he slept in a chair five nights while I was in the hospital to help me to the bathroom, etc. That's love in action.

And my girls have brought me the joy of my life. I bet your baby will be yours.

Best of luck! 💙

Oh been that's beautiful

Thank you.

Please keep us up-to-date with your progress. Think of the story you may one day be telling your granchildren!

I'm pulling for the 3 of you.
😘