Could he be with someone?

[Genie77]

Having a kind of thing with a guy I work with. We work on the same floor but not together without TMI.
We started flirting after bumping into each other - even though we dont work together our team has to have meetings with his. It's been 6 months now. We started off txting casually then flirty. He kept saying let's go for a sneaky kiss. I found that a bit odd especially how he kept using the term "sneaky"
The thing is, I am not completely falling for him. But it's all very odd. He doesn't txt me much when back home at all. It's very here and there or he takes ages to reply the only time hes txting back and kept up a convo is when hes working away...we've only gone for lunch together or a walk after work ad we work near a canal so will often get a quick drink. But again, I hear nothing from him on the weekends. He claims hes busy, he seems to just want a bit of fun. I.e he hasn't mentioned were dating or any of the sort. He just likes the sexual tension I guess but now in falling for him I'm dreading if hes taken. I dotn speak to anyone on his team so I cant ask
I've asked him and he has said a few things that sound realistic....that he has a complicated relationship with mother of his kids...he has two kids. Hell say stuff like she doesn't want me to find someone or stuff like I have to take the kids when she says.
Because we get on so well I dont like prodding him about it as I feel as were just "casually speaking" I cant do this. Btw, we've never had a date as in going to a restaurant for a meal or cinemas which I love doing. He is perfect for me but I'm just worried incase he has someone? Does it sound like he does? He bad mouths his DCs mum and makes comments on how she was like she was untidy, never cleaned the house, it was just him or she had double standards etc.
I just feel a bit sad I guess that we haven't gone on a date or I've never been round his I'm assuming it's because of his kids but I dont know. I've never dates a guy with kids n I'm wondering can it be genuine that they just dont want to meet in the evenings if they have DC or maybe not replying cos hes busy with them although I'm sure he has mentioned they go to bed around 9. Please advice or help

He badmouths the woman that brings up his children.

That’s enough of a no for me

Sounds like he’s not single

@inthebackground

Surely you arent being serious? So many women do this about the father of their children! Its all you see or hear. That cant be a reason to just not be with someone....perhaps she was just nasty to him cant that be the case ?

He's not perfect you if he can't make time for you.

And badmouthing his kids mum? What a catch.

Two threads about the same thing???

Yes. He isn’t single. You are wasting your time.

So why did you mention the fact he badmouths her? Do you think that's proof that she's not in the picture?

Sounds like he's still in a relationship with his kids' mother and a lot like he actually lives with her.

Once you suspect you are the OW and choose to carry on with it, you are an OW. What will you choose?

For his part, he sounds like one of those sad old fucks who drone on to the office OW about their terrible wife ... then go home to their wife.

I think the 'sneaky' kiss is telling. I met my boyfriend at work and we are not advertising our relationship but he has never used the word sneaky!!

I would be unapologetic about saying what you want. If you are unashamed about announcing what you want then it will seem like your standard. If you are afraid to say what you want then that comes accross like you think you are only worth a sneaky kiss/sneaky fling.

genie I am being serious. He bitches about the mother of his children, makes out he did everything... it’s a bit of a script tbh. He doesn’t text you at night, he hasn’t taken you out.

All you’ve got is “sneaky” kisses and your gut is starting to tell you something here

He’s not perfect for you, unless you like that kind of disinterest in you.

How can you possibly know if someone is perfect for you if in six months you've never even been on a proper date?

He's certainly behaving like someone who is in a relationship and keeping you a secret.

He can’t text you in the evening because he’s playing happy families with his wife/partner.
He can’t text/see you on the weekends because he’s playing happy families with his wife/partner.

He’s pulling the age old “Feel sorry for me, the mother of my kids is/was horrible” to lure you in, he will have sex with you, suddenly come over all “Sorry I think we should keep it professional” so he can work his “charms” on the next naive work colleague.

I'd put money on him having a wife or girlfriend. Hes hoping for a bit of no-strings fun with you at work, but you will never end up with him.

I'm sorry but regardless of whether he's with someone or not he's not interested in anything more than what he's giving you. 6 months in and not even a date? Come on, surely you can seen it's just a bit of fun/flirt at work for him.

He’s probably with someone.

It doesn’t matter though. He’s certainly not interested in a relationship with you, whether he’s separated or not. No date or weekend meeting in six months? It’s just not feasible.

I think you're a work distraction - someone who he can have a laugh and flirt with to brighten up his work day but he has no interest beyond that. Possibly because he's attached or possibly just because he's not looking to get involved with anyone. I had a work distraction guy years ago (supplier as opposed to colleague) and we used to email, text and flirt most days but nothing in the evenings or weekends. We were both just a bit bored of mundane work and gave each other an escape from that. We were definitely not in any kind of Gavin and Stacey situation 😂
Just stop contacting him - if you've not been out together by now, you never will be.