Support where you least expect it

[Mylifestartstoday]

My husband has been having a long term affair, and has left us in a mess. After a very difficult week, I’ve found support from people I would never have expected it from.
People have been so kind, especially on here, we’ve had a fairly good day today. Been out with an old friend for drinks, and we’re feeling positive. I’m still reeling from what he’s done, and I’m taking each day as it comes

I think he feels threatened by me. He does have a good job, one he’s worked his way up to, but I’m more intelligent than him and can think on my feet. One interesting thing I’m suspicious about. He said I’d accused him of spending £9k, I’ve never said that or had that figure in my head. But he has, that’s for me thinking that’s how much debt he’s got himself into?

I’m exhausted, and slept for 2 hours this afternoon. His dad keep ringing saying he doesn’t want to get involved but keeps asking me what I want to do. I don’t want to fall out with his dad but he never was that interested in his grandchildren when were together. Wants to know what I would do to put this right. Well, nothing now that your sons done this to us and can’t even sit down and speak rationally. My exh doesn’t want to talk about the past, yet throws things he thinks I did 15 years ago back in my face.

Google grey rock op and I’d apply the approach both to him and his dad whilst you’re trying to heal yourself and protect your lifestyle for you and your children.
Did the solicitor give an outline of what you could be entitled to ? Hope she has made the outlook seem more positive then what you had imagined previously.

His father no doubt is reporting back to your soon to be ex husband, and probably at hubby’s instigation.

It sounds to me as if your husband knows he will lose half his assets and doesn’t want that.

I suggest you play “confused” with FIL, i.e., “I don’t know what I want.” Let your husband believe he can manipulate you to his advantage. He will learn otherwise in time.

@Lefty1. The solicitor I saw yesterday was great, much better than the previous one. I feel more confident about what I am entitled to, I’ve asked her to send him a letter.
@Winterlife. I’m thinking his dad is relaying back, the girls didn’t want to speak to him today. His dad didn’t know about the raging, so obviously he’s only getting half the story. I’m learning very quickly who my friends are.

I’m really missing him today, I’ve got a knot in my stomach and feel so sick. I miss messaging him like I normally would.

Stay strong. The urge will fade. Remember all the nasty things he has said to to and how he's tried to blame you for HIM having an affair.

He was with her last night. Apparently she’s the only one he has to talk to, but they didn’t have sex! Why I need to know this, I have no idea. Of course he lied at first and said he was at his brothers.
I asked him to collect some stiff from the garage but he won’t, the house is half his and he will leave it here as long as he wants. He threatened to come round tonight at 11oclock when we were all in bed to check if I’d left anything on the drive. He’s contacting a solicitor because I have no right to touch his things in the garage? The garage is such a mess, I’d have to levitate not to touch his crap.
It’s all my fault, he can’t speak to me blah blah. I’m a bad mother, bad wife, I’ve made him miserable for years etc
I really think he’s had some kind of breakdown.
I reminded him of financial obligations, he’s replied with I’m not getting everything, and in fact when I get my benefits I’ll have financial obligations to him. I just laughed. So, he’s happy for me and his children to survive on benefits. What a catch he is. Yesterday I was missing him, today he can fuck right off

Start recording his rants and then play them down the phone to his dad. In fact block ex off your phone and keep it to texts or emails only - see if your worm of an ExH carries on being abusive on a paper trail. If he does, then forward it to your solicitor who will wipe the floor with him in court. Then keep doing what you're doing! Legend!

@bribery. I’ve had to block him, but that’s hard too because I keep thinking he may want to speak to me. I’m struggling more now than two weeks ago when I found out, I’m struggling to accept it’s over (even though I wouldn’t have him back) and he’s moved on already.
He’s seeing a solicitor today about his financial obligations (probably to find out how little he has to give us). He keeps messaging the children saying “I’ll always put a roof over your heads” while ranting at me that I’ve financial obligations to him out of my benefits!!
I’ve instructed my solicitor to start divorce proceedings on ground of adultery, there doesn’t seem any point in not doing so.
Funnily enough we’ve not heard from his dad since last Wednesday, when he was saying he was going to ring every other day to check on us! The whole family have ignore us. I’m not bothered if they ignore me but they’re ignoring their own flesh and blood in the girls.