Isn't there anyone out there that just wants a hug?

[MeowTseTung]

This will probably sound so pathetic... go nuts with me if you feel the need.

I've been separated a year or so. Whilst I know I'm straight I've never felt comfortable with intimacy with women (which over the years has developed to a point which pretty much explains why I'm separated). Never felt confident, never felt desirable, didn't have a sexual relationship until my early 30s, never enjoyed the whole process although I can say hand-on-heart that I've always done my very best to please.

Now I'm hitting 50 I've pretty much accepted I just don't like sex very much. Saying that, I'd crave a relationship where that didn't matter, where I'd be happy, contented, comfortable with someone who didn't want more than hugs, kisses, friendship. I know that a happy healthy sex life is massively important for most people so on that basis, it doesn't look good for me.

But I surely can't be on my own feeling this way though? It just gets me so dejected thinking that if I did think about getting into a new relationship that my reluctance to get intimate would just make any effort pointless, especially with OLD.

I guess I'd just like an idea of whether there actually are other people out there that don't see sex as the be all and end all of relationships.

I'm wondering if you are my boyfriend! I think he may be like you. I am finding it hard because he hasn't talked about it and I feel rejected.

There was a female poster on here saying similar to you not long ago. If you are happy without sex then I guess companionship isn't impossible but certainly harder to find. If you wanted to work out why you feel this way, therapy might shed some light.

Must be so frustrating for you AllSoComplicated. But as you'll know getting a typical male to open up about anything like that, face to face at least, is usually a herculean task. I just wish I could've told my xOH what was going on in my head, even if only to say that it wasn't that I didn't want a sexual relationship with her, more that I didn't want a sexual relationship with anyone...

It's hard though I'm sure. The end result may have been the same but honesty if you're brave enough, has to be best. I'm plucking up courage to try and talk to my bf.. Not even sure if that's what he is sometimes!

You know what though.. I just googled no sex dating sites and they exist! Check it out. There's hope. Takes all sorts @MeowTseTung!

Thanks, and best of luck, hope you get to the bottom of things 👍

I think there are lots of people who probably aren’t interested in a sexual relationship, trouble is they never seem to end up with each other . So many posters on here say they are fed up with not enough physical activity within their relationship but others say they are fed up living with a sex pest .

I'm mid 50s and always had a healthy interest in sex until my menopause. Since then I'd much rather meet a man for companionship and hugs, i just presumed thst would be impossible. However your post OP has brought me hope. I'll google the no sex date dating site too. X

I feel the same way. You are not alone!
Though for me I start off wanting and enjoying a physical relationship but the desire disappears after a year or so and then I’m not interested at all. It does seem to make relationships impossible. I’d love to meet someone who wasn’t bothered about all that and for whom spending time with each other was enough.
How you go about meeting someone like that though I have no idea!

Well after braving opening my trap on another MN thread I'm even more committed to staying celibate now. For some reason I never really thought no sex dating sites would be a thing but there you go. Off to explore...

Good luck @MeowTseTung!

I feel exactly the same but am resigned to not being hugged again.

Asexual / greysexual dating sites definitely exist, and I don't see any reason why you couldn't use non-specialised dating sites but being very clear what you're looking for and being up front about not wanting sex.

I am also mid fifties and have no interest in sex and have no interest in finding ways to change that. Shame people can't openly come out with this without people thinking it odd or sad. I hope you find someone who feels like this. Menopausal women are your best bet.

I'm not convinced about the dating sites I've seen so far but will persevere. I forgot to say that I registered on a cuddle therapy website a few weeks ago though which on the face of it looked wonderful, the only problem being practically all the women were half my age so not much use to me... Perhaps a middle-age + version needs creating?