Just here for a moan

[frazzledtofook]

Name changed. Can't think of a title, because it's nothing specific. I don't even know what I expect from posting, but ranting might help.

DH works away, gone 4am Monday - 5pm Friday, we have 2DCs aged 11 and 8. Sunday night yet again and we are sniping at each other, we are both so fucking knackered. He comes home Friday shattered, I can't speak after 5 days of 'kid noise'. I work school hours so I get the full shebang of before and after school, and they no longer go to bed at 7.... hence we haven't had sex in about 4 weeks.

Any advice from others in the same situation. It's so hard trying to fit your entire 'relationship' into three evenings (one of which is an early night as we're knackered, another of which is an early night as he's getting up early). Your words of wisdom will be gratefully received.

I would write off Friday night until late, and Sunday night. Concentrate on getting some nice time as a couple on the Saturday night. Enlist the help of family, friends or babysitters if you can.

I would do something as a family on Saturday and then try and have some couple time on a Saturday night, sit at the table rather than in front of the tv or don't put the tv on or go out or have an 'early night.' It's hard but you both need to put in some effort. Is there no way your DH could change jobs? It sounds miserable even without what you're saying.

Thanks for replies. Saturday is definitely the day we try and be 'normal' but the pressure to do everything in one evening is huge and often ends in disappointment. Meal, film, drink, couple time - and the kids are still awake at 9. It's very very difficult.

Unfortunately jobwise there can be no change. In DHs industry, he's got a package many don't get the chance of. Unfortunately at the minute it just seems to come with a price.

Can you organise babysitters for the Saturday night?

Zero babysitters. We manage 2 or 3 nights out A YEAR together. Offers of extra nights from in laws always seem to come with a 'payback' with their DCs at a later time, which I just don't seem the point of.

Try to do less. Watch the film on tv and order a takeaway. Get the kids to stay overnight with relatives occasionally.
I'm not surprised that you're knackered.

Sometimes I feel like it's a weakness to feel knackered. I also gym Fri, Sat, Sun morning as these are the only times I can. So I do take comfort in you saying 'no wonder your knackered' in a strange way. Odd I know.

Do you need to go to the gym all 3 days? What time do you go and for how long? Could you go a bit earlier for example? I appreciate that that is likely 'your time' but when you're struggling to have time with DH do some things not need to give?

I go at 8am! It's my 'head time', an hour of Prodigy does wonders

It all sounds exhausting! You have an awful lot in your plate. However, I can't help but throw my two pence in and say that before kids, I worked full time and do again now they are older. So I know how "hard" a job can be and believe me, it's nothing compared to running a house, organising household bills, doing the shopping, feeding children, putting them to bed, entertaining them throughout the day, doing the laundry, putting the laundry away, cooking meals, tidying up afterwards, cleaning, unloading the dishwasher, doing the kids homework, making sure their uniform is clean, packing their lunches, paying for random school bake sales and suchlike, buying new uniforms,dropping off at childminders, picking up from childminders, paying for childcare....

Get my drift? Work is a BREAK.
When I get a weekend away at work I breathe a sigh of relief so don't be fooled by this "oh, but I work SUCH long hours" shite. So do you.

@marciagetscreamed

TBH you lost me at "dishwasher".

ah yes, I was very tired last night and furious at my DH. Totally irrelevant and unhelpful rant. Felt loads better after that though.