How can you get husband to move out of home?

[Gingercarrier]

I need to end my 20 year relationship. Husband is an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive. He doesn't want to be like this but he can't stop it. He doesn't want the relationship to end (it probably will kill him) but I can't live like this. Can I force him to move out of marital home or will I have to move? We have 2 early teen DC. Thanks.

I think you will have to apply for a prohibitive steps order and an occupation order of he won't go voluntarily. What's your housing situation? Renting, own outright or with a mortgage?

Thank you @CheddarGorgeous. We own the house outright but unfortunately remortgaged it last year to buy another property. I think I'll just have to be the one to move out.

If he is abusive you may be able to get him out, but you need legal advice. Do you have enough equity across both properties for you to buy one that would suit you and your children?

Sometimes you do have to let go of a house to move on with your lives. It seems drastic but it can be the cleanest option.

I can't be doing with the hassle of having to go through courts. I think I need to move soon. Yes we do have enough equity for 2 separate houses but won't be able to sell for another year due to the remortgage issue. You're right about the house - I'm not bothered but it would be less disruptive for the DC if they could stay here. Thanks for replying.

Could you or he move to the second house for a year?

Thank you @Windygate. The other house is rented out and also in another town so not ideal. My thoughts are that I can use the rent from that to pay rent on a new house for me and DC until we can sell family home. I am very fortunate that finances are ok but just desperately sad that things are this way.

I would seek legal advice asap re the property you are currently residing in along with starting the process of divorcing such a man. Use the court system and legal process even though you can't be doing with all the perceived hassle. He will continue to be obtuse and difficult regardless.

No-one except your H can help him and he is choosing not to along with verbally abusing you into the process. This marriage is well and truly over anyway due to both his alcoholism and his verbal abuses of you.

He does not want you to leave mainly because you've propped him up. You are not responsible for him nor his alcoholism and your own recovery from this will only properly start when you are free of him. He has also caused your children more than enough emotional harm too; they will be affected by having an alcoholic father. Deal with any and all your issues pertaining to codependency through counselling; I state this as alcoholism and codependency are often interlinked.

@AttilaTheMeerkat your post has made me cry. You're right, of course you're right. I need to keep referring back to your post to keep myself strong. DS is completely oblivious but DD sees everything. He can be emotionally abusive to her. She can try the patience of a saint but that's what teenagers do, don't they?! Without alcohol he is a very kind thoughtful and considerate man. However the stretches between him being straight and on a bender are getting less and less frequent.