"It’s amazing how predatory men, so lacking in intuition in areas like self-awareness, morality and empathy, manage nevertheless to sensitively identify the most emotionally vulnerable person in their vicinity and to zoom in on them. The unhappily married can seem to be entirely ubiquitous, particularly at work events where many of them are waiting to slip out from behind their desks to tell you their sob story before pouncing.
As I said before, and I’ll repeat until my dying breath, if someone is unhappily married, the answer is to focus their attention on what’s causing their problems and to attempt to resolve them or take time out to consider them, not to seek diversion elsewhere by taking advantage of their victims’ naivety and trust.
Neither of these men have what you should be looking for
This man at work, almost double your age, but far less evolved emotionally than the decades under his belt might suggest, is using you as a distraction from his problems and you can neither believe his compliments nor rely on his family narrative. That his messages are exciting to you is no surprise, but they are certainly no gauge of the importance of your connection either.
There’s nothing like an illicit liaison to get our adrenaline levels up and boost our self-esteem, and you are both likely to be culpable in terms of needing to have your worth confirmed as a result of your unsatisfactory relationships. Why his marriage isn’t working is of no interest to me and you offer no details, but frankly it’s irrelevant. There’s barely a union out there that doesn’t lose its gloss after a few years and a young child. Those that try to stick it out and accept that there will be highs and lows are of far more interest and integrity than those who slither into the arms of an easy conquest the minute the going gets tough."
(The Guardian, 7 July 2019)