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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't know where to go from here...

5 replies

dawdyman · 07/07/2019 12:37

I am a man, in a relationship for 6 years. We have children from previous relationships. We have one little one together.

I love my partner, we get on so well, when it works, but life is complicated and it's not happy a lot of the time. There are some deep issues that whenever we talk it results in rows. I work ft and its a stressful job. I defo do my fair share at home. I own the house, I pay the bill, I have no idea what she earns or spend the money on, if I ask Its not my business. I get accused of treating the children differently.. Which I acknowledged I probably do subconsciously.. But I fine my partner so devisove between our children. I am undermined consistently. I have lost a lot of friends, and don't have anyone I feel I can talk to.
She hates my family and I think the feeling is mutual.. There's no chance of building bridges there.
She is always in conflict.. With me, my family, my ex, people at work..
I have a cao for my children from a previous relationship and I think she resents having to care for my children but won't admit it.

I keep thinking it's over, but I can't move out as I own the house and neither of us could afford for her to rent. We've talked about seperating or staying together and living apart, which could work for us, but we can't get off the line. I just feel miserable. I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be at home. And I don't feel I have anyone to talk to.

OP posts:
dawdyman · 07/07/2019 12:41

An I know I am not a totally innocent party.. I avoid conflict and I don't deal with issues as they arise, particularly with my ex and this makes things worse.

OP posts:
Whatastrawberryfool · 07/07/2019 17:51

Sorry I am probably not the best person to advise but wanted you to know someone had read and was wishing you well.
Sounds like you are both unhappy, life's too short to live like this, there must be a way forward can you order a takeaway, arrange for kids to be in bed or looked after and have an honest chat. Can she move out? As I said I don't have much advice but think you need to take the bull by the horns as it sounds unbearable. Good luck

HollowTalk · 07/07/2019 17:53

What's the situation regarding the children - how many do you each have and do you have any together?

readitandwept · 07/07/2019 17:54

How did she afford to live before she moved into your house?

SusieOwl4 · 07/07/2019 18:10

If you have a child together I don’t understand why her finances are none of your business ? It does sound like there are some very basic problems here and perhaps counselling might be appropriate? For the sake of the children is it worth trying ? You do sound very sad about it all.

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