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Original poster

Should we stay together just for our child?

22 replies

Liveforever · 07/07/2019 09:15

Just that really, OH hasnt been helpful with our DD and before her he was just as lazy, disrespectful and selfish. We tried a session of counselling for which he turned up late to and the proceeded to blame me for everything. Even when I cried telling him how I felt, didn’t try to comfort me at all. Anyway now he is acting like the dad of the year and our daughter is happy to be getting some attention from him but should I really stay with him just for her sake?

OP posts:
LittleWalnutTree · 07/07/2019 09:19

How old is your dd?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 07/07/2019 09:25

No.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 07/07/2019 09:27

No. He can still be a good dad if you separate. Your relationship is your child’s model for her future relationships. What kind of relationships do you want her to have as an adult?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/07/2019 09:39

No.

Whose sake would you be staying for; yours mainly?. It would not be for hers.

readitandwept · 07/07/2019 09:42

No, never. If he's such a great dad now, that doesn't need to stop just because you split.

Original poster
Liveforever · 07/07/2019 09:45

DD is 10 months and I definitely wouldn’t want her to have this relationship when she is an adult.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 07/07/2019 09:48

I thought you was going to say she was 4/5!

Get gone. She will be absolutely fine, and it's hardly like he's proven himself as a great dad over the years. It's literally been a few months.

I

RedSheep73 · 07/07/2019 09:50

No. If you don't want him around, how is it ever going to work? it's just prolonging the inevitable, and the longer it goes on the harder it will be.

Isleepinahedgefund · 07/07/2019 10:02

Best time to get out of it really, she's so young it's the minimum disruption.

I got out of a relationship like this because I didn't want my DD to see me being treated like that.

Original poster
Liveforever · 07/07/2019 10:03

@readitandwept when I say acting like Dad of the year it’s been in the last month since I moved out. Before that well.

It came up in therapy and he is has said he is doing everything I want but I feel like it’s a little too late and also like it’s an act. Like I’ll do what you want for a bit, you’ll get over this and I’ll revert back

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 07/07/2019 10:03

My parents did it, it was awful

readitandwept · 07/07/2019 10:05

Exactly, one month! And it's easy to be a great dad if he's not even living with her. You're already out. Just keep it that way.

TheInebriati · 07/07/2019 10:07

Even when I cried telling him how I felt, didn’t try to comfort me at all.

Forget the promises and the acting nice for 10 minutes, focus on this. You deserve better. Your DD deserves better than a Disney Dad and an unhappy Mum.

Number3or4 · 07/07/2019 10:22

Don't stop the counselling, if you giving him a chance then its best to give him a good chance. Stay away longer and don't base your leaving on this one instance. You can leave for any reason you like. But do it for a reason(s) that is justifiable only to yourself. Break ups/ divorce hurt kids but so does living in a hostile home where mom is not happy and crying all the time. You will always (hopefully) have contact with your daughters father. For her sake. So stick with counselling and let them help you co parent effectively or with reconciliation. There is no simple leaving, unless you kidnap your own daughter (which I don't recommend).

Original poster
Liveforever · 07/07/2019 11:52

@Number3or4, I’d continue with therapy for that very point and I mentioned it in our last session that I wanted us to have a healthy relationship whether together or apart as we do have our daughter to look after.

Part of my worry is if we don’t stay together that he won’t bother with our daughter. Even while being this Disney Dad there are still signs of his laziness, not cleaning her properly after she’s done a dirty nappy, letting her climb up the side of the bath and slide back down ( danger of her hitting her head ). So it’s like he is doing these things but only half doing them and I just sit back and think ok shit if I go would he even come to see her, want to see her. But I get it, best it happens now then when she is old enough to know the difference

OP posts:
Original poster
Liveforever · 07/07/2019 12:27

@Hoppinggreen, mine too, I’m obviously hoping he’ll change but also know he won’t change not permanently.

OP posts:
Buyitinbamboo · 07/07/2019 12:47

Absolutely not. And at 10 months she wont even remember you together so it's not like your upsetting her.

babbi · 07/07/2019 12:55

He will never change and for me laziness is one of the worst traits in a partner.
Please don’t waste any more of your life with him .
I really have been there and done that ..
Sincerely wish I’d left years before I did ....

letsdolunch321 · 07/07/2019 13:30

NO, the resentment you have for one another will increase and your dc will pick up on this

Original poster
Liveforever · 07/07/2019 13:42

He is one of those didn’t even pack his bag for her birth until I was like ok we need to go! I mean the way he treats me doesn’t show he even cares for me and he is lazy I don’t want my DD thinking that’s normal.

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 07/07/2019 14:21

You know what you need to do then sadly.

Simonfromharlow · 07/07/2019 20:13

No. Don't do it

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