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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband strange phone calls

30 replies

nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 22:57

Hi All
Sometime ago there was a phone call for my husband she said she was Danielle & made not very nice references to knowing my husband.So I hung up
Recently I answered a withheld number call asking for my husband
I asked who's calling she replied Danielle followed by the name of the company he does outwork for
Her name rang a bell with me but as she said it was from the company I transferred the call through to my husband which he took & was on the call quite a while
Afterwards it bothered me so I did something crazy & phoned the company asking for Danielle the reply was that no one called Danielle worked there or has ever worked there
I then asked my husband about the call he said he spoke to the company who else could it be I put the call through so I should know
He insisted it was the company but I insisted it was a with held number & the caller was called Danielle & I had found out she did not work there.
He just kept saying who else would it be of course it was the company he had not spoken to anyone else
I knew something was wrong so I continued to press about the call
Things got very heated & he kept saying to me You took the call you know it was from them but I said it wasn't it was a with held number
& someone called Danielle who said she was from them he said I only spoke to the company
So now He is trying to say that it was not even a Danielle on the phone he keeps twisting my words trying to make the call different to what it was & saying he did not speak to a Danielle
I could tell he was lying I am in absolute turmoil & don't know what to do

OP posts:
TrySinging · 06/07/2019 22:59

He is gaslighting you. He is a cunt.

SmellbowPenisBeaker · 06/07/2019 23:01

You go. He’s lying. He’s in all likelihood having an affair. Just go.

Hanab · 06/07/2019 23:01

Check his phone records 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cherylshaw · 06/07/2019 23:02

Could you have misheard the name?

RagingWhoreBag · 06/07/2019 23:04

Sounds dodgy to me. Trouble is, now that he knows you're onto him, if he is up to no good, he'll get better at hiding it.

Think your best bet is to let it go and act like you believe him. Let him get complacent again and hope that something else happens to give you some proof. Otherwise you'll drive yourself mad.

I'm a big believer in trusting your gut, but when your DP strenuously denies something which you know in your heart is true, it can be difficult to stick to your guns.

I think if your relationship is otherwise good, hope that nothing physical has happened, that this has been a wake-up call and that he'll stop messing about.

If there are other problems then maybe you don't need proof of any wrong-doing, the fact that you don't trust him speaks volumes and is enough on its own for you to consider leaving him. He hasn't exactly acted in a reassuring and loving way and is gaslighting you by twisting the conversation into something you know it wasn't.

justilou1 · 06/07/2019 23:06

He’s cheating.

Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 23:08

Cherylshaw No I did not miss hear the name as I repeated it back to her for confirmation & she said yes that's right

OP posts:
Cherylshaw · 06/07/2019 23:12

Was it the house phone or a mobile she called? My first thought would be cheating too

Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 23:14

Hanab I have checked all records I can but nothing seems out of the ordinary

OP posts:
Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 23:15

Cherylshaw It is the house phone I

OP posts:
Cherylshaw · 06/07/2019 23:16

The house phone! Have you checked his mobile?

Inexperiencedchick · 06/07/2019 23:22

If he is cheating... can not believe she has the guts to allow herself to call your house. They could deal over the mobile phones, emails, etc...
The withheld number is disturbing.
Well done for checking her up. Think the previous posters were right abt saying “you should act as you believe him... until something further will be revealed”
Sorry you are going through this.

Afteryoux · 06/07/2019 23:27

What were the ‘not very nice references’?

ConfCall · 06/07/2019 23:29

The house phone? That’s really weird, unless the mobile signal is very bad where you are.

BumbleBeee69 · 06/07/2019 23:40

Gaslighting

Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 23:44

As some of the posters suggested it will be hard but I am going to convince him I believe what he says & let him think he has suckered me in.

OP posts:
HappyLoneParentDay · 06/07/2019 23:48

Good plan Thanks

nel123baby · 06/07/2019 23:49

What was the references that weren't very nice towards knowing your husband? That sounds bizarre if she's meant to be ringing on behalf of her work to be saying something nasty..

TheGrapefulDread · 06/07/2019 23:54

Sounds like Danielle is getting tired of him not leaving so is going to try to force the issue for him. If he won’t act she hopes you will react.

Duster12 · 06/07/2019 23:54

Just get rid of him.

Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 06/07/2019 23:56

The references I was referring to were as I said from a previous call from someone called Danielle quite a while ago not the second call recently
She made a statement like tell him I'm wearing what he wants put him on.
On that call I hung up just thinking it was a strange caller

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 06/07/2019 23:57

Affair in which the OW is putting pressure on him would be my guess. Definitely do some digging!

Original poster
nowisthetime2be · 07/07/2019 00:01

Thank You all for your help & advise it's hard when it keeps going round in your head & you do ask yourself if your wrong when you really know your not

OP posts:
nel123baby · 07/07/2019 00:01

That's such a strange thing to say I would have definitely hung up too thinking the same but the fact you've had another strange call from someone with the same name and your husband was being sneaky and weird about it makes me think he must be having an affair! I would do some digging if I were you.. I'd be searching social media and hacking into his phone if it were me

SparklyMagpie · 07/07/2019 10:27

You've posted about this exact situation before OP, I'm a little unsure why you're still asking for the same advice that was given last time ?