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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can we be just good friends?

8 replies

RowingBoatPie · 06/07/2019 22:39

I have (99%) finally accepted that the man I have very strong feelings for will never be my partner. I never told him how I feel/felt about him. However, we’re close friends and he’s keen to meet up. I’m a bit worried that seeing him will set me back but I want to be grown up about this and enjoy the company of one of my favourite people. Do you have any experience of this or thoughts for me?

OP posts:
Countrypie · 07/07/2019 03:18

Personally l would find that too difficult but only you know if you can handle it. I am too much an all or nothing person and would find it painful seeing without having.

Aria999 · 07/07/2019 03:55

Why have you accepted you can't have him if you never told him your feelings? Is he unavailable?

If not you might as well try.

Original poster
RowingBoatPie · 07/07/2019 06:10

Yeah he has a partner so I haven’t gone there but just battling my feelings in silence.

OP posts:
Sunsetsandcloudyskies · 07/07/2019 08:01

I would stay away. You can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for it’s not be fair on any party. At some point he will have a disagreement with his current partner and turn to you and you will make it easy for him. Then as you’re not the one he’s already chosen he’s unlikely to choose you again and just see you as a friend with benefits or as an emotional support. Then he will miss his ex, not want you and it will all end in tears. It will cause heart ache all around

SimonJT · 07/07/2019 08:27

It depends entirely on the individuals involved, my best friend turned into being my partner, we then went back to being friends, we were then FWB for a while and now we are back to being friends.

It isn’t about what works for other peope though, it’s about what works for you.

Shoobopbop · 07/07/2019 09:24

I’m in this situation, it’s gone on for 5 years but we have slept with each other occasionally which has made it more complicated. Like you I tell myself I want to try and be an adult and enjoy our friendship but the truth is that it cuts me up every day that we’re not together and I hope one day he’ll ‘see the light’...it’s never going to happen. I’ve wasted years over this guy and avoided dating other people because of him. If you’re able to put up distance and be honest about why with your friend then that is probably going to save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

RLEOM · 07/07/2019 12:13

After being on the receiving end whereby my DD's dad had a close female friend who muscled her way in whilst we were meant to be reconciling after the birth of our daughter, please keep your distance. Someone (or everyone) could end up getting hurt.

And please remember that he only shows you what he wants to as a friend - he may not be all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows if you were to be with him.

Piggle23 · 07/07/2019 16:43

No I don't think so, stay away. Respect other people's relationships.

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