I'm so lonely.

[MummytoCSJH]

Just sort of realised how lonely I am. I have few friends, we're close and we talk regularly, but we never do anything or see each other. Of my 4 close friends, one is off travelling for the whole of summer as part of her degree, and is a good 2 hours away on the train at uni normally. One lives close to me but works 2 full time jobs, one 9-5 then one retail job where its evenings and weekends, so is never ever free. My two remaining friends live 4 hours (and £££) away on trains for university and stay there over the summer. I'm low contact with my mums family as she's very toxic and no contact with my dads family as my dad passed when I was young and they all hate me. My partner left me about 12 weeks ago and he's completely fine, just getting on with his life. I have a 5yo son and when hes here during the week it's fine, I just keep myself busy and carry on but on weekends when he's at his dads, I do nothing. Today I've watched 22 episodes of greys anatomy. Sure, I love the 'time off'. But I'm so fucking lonely. I don't know how to meet people. I go to the gym but aside from that it's really hard to find hobbies that fit in with my ever-changing university schedule and then not having childcare during the summer break. The friends I have are the friends I had during high school (and one I met on my uni course), aside from that I have nobody, and I don't even know how to meet people. I was considering going to a bar as I really fancied some cocktails last night, but the realised how sad it would be to sit there alone! Then ex messaged me (he wants to be friends) saying he'd been out with work and had a really good time. Lovely. Thanks. Boredom seems different when you're lonely. When my partner was here we were bored but we were bored together. I miss him so much. I was lonely before him too, so it's not that he isolated me, if anything he helped as I joined some clubs and was able to go out with friends whilst he watched my little boy sometimes. Me missing him and being lonely are 2 separate issues, but they make each other worse. How do I stop feeling like crap?

I feel for you as Iv been in a similar situation years ago. Do you talk to any mums at the school when you do pick ups and drop offs? There will be other mums in a similar position. As your son is still young you might not of had chance to make friends at the school but it’s one of the best places to do so. They have children tha same age as yours and a lot will be going through the same things. It’s not been long being single for you so will take a bit of getting used too but as soon as you do you’ll love your weekends off. I started by taking my children to every party I could and have made some amazing friends through the children

Hi, thanks for responding. I do chat to some of the parents on the school run but the majority of them are a good few years older than me (I'm 21), and most if them are in couples. To make things a little more complicated I have a littler brother the same age as my little boy so they're all sort of my mums friends, which shouldn't cause an issue but it does as I get accused of stealing people or getting in the way. My friend who lives near me does go on nights out sometimes and I'm always invited along but generally due to his jobs they're last minute and during the week which is no good for me.

Your mum shouldn’t feel your steeling her friends but I suppose it’s a different dynamic. I share friends with my mum, we actually have a joint friend who nearer my mums age but has a child near my children’s age and we do quite a lot together. If your mum is also at the school you will likely just talk to her and not make as much effort into talking to others asnits easier. Could your mum babysit midweek for you to go out with your friend and in return you offer the same for her? Age shouldn’t really be an issue. You are very young but you still have a lot in common being a parent. How about getting a part time job in school hours? Something social in a large office or retail? I found going to work kept my independence and made loads of friends that way too and comes with a social life

Hi again. As I mentioned I'm very low contact with my mum and family so whilst I don't talk to her much if she sees me talking to certain people there will be an issue caused by her. She certainly won't do me any favours. It's also very last minute when I'm invited to things so couldn't be a regular planned thing even if she would, and I can't really afford a babysitter as they expect about as much as regular childminders do! Long gone are the days when I was 15 and looked after my mums friends kids for £10 per night haha. I'm a full time university student so that's why I don't work at the moment. I can't fit it in as my childcare isn't regular and my uni hours change every week :( One of my close friends I met at my previous job but they have since moved away.

Hi OP, you actually sound as though you’re doing ok in so many ways, uni, DS, keeping in touch with people (even if you’re not meeting up at the moment). Your family sounds really complicated though, and quite stressful so I’m not surprised you’re feeling lonely. The best thing about your situation is that it will change, you’ll graduate, get a job, your DS will grow, new things will happen. (Summer weekends/evenings are really hard if you’re feeling lonely, you think everyone’s off in pub gardens!)

Thank you. My life is ok, in some ways (DS) it's great and miles away from how I used to be. I've coped well with this break up, well at least I haven't got myself sectioned yet (lighthearted kind of). But despite knowing generally life is good, I still just FEEL the lonliness, if that makes sense.

I’d suggest you get out at weekends while you have child-free time. Go for a walk, pop into town, get some fresh air. You’ll feel much better.

Look at meet up for your town too.

And yes, see if any other mums are in your position and would like to meet at weekends.

Your family situation sounds toxic. I’m sorry about that. But i5 sounds like you’re doing well - uni, parenting, keeping up with friends.

Think about what you’d like to do at weekends - running, reading, painting, diy, taking up a new sport. See what groups meet then. Start parkrun! Do something new and it will lead to new, good things.

Thank you! I have already read a few threads about similar situations and they all carry the 'hobby' advice, if I could find something that will fit in every other saturday when I don't have DS then great but I don't even know where to start looking. I can't think of much that I really 'enjoy' which is sad actually. Thank you for the suggestions :)

You’re so young! It’ll be easy to meet new people and make friends. There will be local clubs / meet up groups to meet people - join them! Go to the gym, it’ll recharge you. Look online for courses and hobbies. There is so much on offer out there. Get out and live your life

I did a photography course last year. This year I joined several meet up groups. There’s loads on offer - get online and start googling evening classes, short courses, meet up groups etc

Everyone says that but meetups tend to be evenings which I can't do with having DS, or they tend to be for older people. I'll definitely take a look. Thank you!