LTR - how did you know it was over?

[Tatty101]

Hi there,

This is my first posting but I'm a longtime lurker and find the support provided on some of these threads incredibly heartwarming! Hoping you kind readers may be able to extend that advice to me.

My DP and I have been together for just over 2 years, we're both in our early thirties and moved in together earlier this year. We dont have kids. We come from very different backgrounds but I like that he introduces me to new hobbies and ideas and I try to do the same for him.

Lately I'm finding myself having doubts about the relationship and I'm trying to work out whether these are genuine things I should be thinking seriously about or whether this is teething problems as it's our first 6 months living together and therefore spending much more time together.

My issues are relatively minor (e.g. having to drag him away from his hobbies to spend some time with me, no equal split of housework etc) and there are some good points about the relationship (e.g. no infidelity, we respect one another etc)

I'm wondering if I'm being majorly over dramatic or if anyone else has had similar feelings about a relationship where there's nothing terrible happening but nothing amazing either?

I don't think uneven share of housework and prioritising his hobby over you is something minor. It's obviously bothering you, do you feel taken for granted?
Sorry to point out the obvious, but have to spoken to him about your concerns?

Thanks for the response.

You see some horrific stories on here about some horrendous partners and I genuinely feel like I'm overreacting and should be happy!

Talking to him is definitely going to be step 1. We dont really do relationship talks but I think the fact I'm worrying about this suggests it may be time to change that ...

I know what you mean about the horrendous stories on here, but it's all relative. Your situation is yours iyswim and you are clearly feeling that something is not right.

Hope the chat works. Life's too short to settle

Sounds like the familiar tale of the man thinking now he's 'got' you (living together) he needs make no further effort to keep the relationship interesting. You need to nip this in the bud. He needs to step up or step out!

Worrying that you think a good point about your relationship is that there is no infidelity! I hope there is no violence, either!
Good things should be things that ARE there, not things that you are lucky to be spared.
Have you read the threads over the years where women protest their relationship isn't THAT bad as 'at least he doesn't hit me'

The good points you mention are setting the bar rather low. Being faithful and treating each other with respect would be the bare minimum I would expect.
I also think that unequal sharing of the housework is a major issue - imagine if you had a child and took time off for maternity - you would end up doing everything.
I think you are right to be having doubts and agree a serious conversation is required. My gut feeling is you are settling and you know it.

I think your "positives" are basic expectations! You are setting the bar too low if these are your criteria.

Agree with PP who asks what would happen when you have children. Try a kick up the arse, and if that doesn't happen, you might want to consider your options. Otherwise in three years time you are going to be stuck at home looking after a baby and doing all the housework, whilst your 'D'P spends every weekend cycling/sailing/gaming.

Thank you all for your responses!

I guess I'm stuck between whether you need a reason to stay or a reason to leave, you know? There's no reason per se to leave but at the minute, there's nothing grabbing me to stay either sadly.

Well if you feel like that after living together for only 6 months, that says it all really. This should be the honeymoon period!

After 16 years with DH I'm still very happy to see him every day, want to spend (some) time with him, and I think he's the best man I know.

The first year living together is the hardest.
Sit down and discuss your concerns. A relationship needs nurturing to grow.
Also, divide up the chores equally, he may not see that he is doing less until it is pointed out.