He's gone quiet.....

[Flairhead]

I posted a couple of weeks ago about a guy I've been texting a lot. We've messaged back and forth, met up in the pub a couple of times and last week he came back to mine and stayed the night.

Since then I haven't really heard from him much, but he's been away for a few days for a friend's wedding. I've texted him a few times and have had replies, but then when I've replied to those I don't always hear back. I've put this down to him being back home and catching up with friends and family.

He got back last night and he's working tonight until the early hours so it's unlikely I'll see him tonight.

I guess I'm just wondering if the lack of responses from him are anything to be worried about. To avoid drip feeding, we did have sex when he came to mine, but we'd both had a lot to drink so it didn't really work IYSWIM. I'm wondering now if he thinks I've been put off.

He doesn't strike me as the type to just ghost me, plus he's told me that he's been cheated on before so he's a bit wary.

It's still early days for us, we haven't even been on a proper date or anything, but should I be worried or give it a bit more time since he's only just got back from being away?

I hate to tell you this but he has probably got what he wanted from you and is finished. You've only met him a few times so you don't really know what 'type' he is. Words mean nothing unless they are supported by actions and having only met him a few times...what's that saying 'when you first meet someone, you see their representative, not them'.

The fact that he gave you a sob story about being cheated on may simply have been to make you think he was more serious about you than he actually was too. Unfortunately lots of people will tell you things like this early on simply to make you feel more secure with them.

He COULD however, just be busy. But if that is the case and he starts showing more interest again, you need to go on a 'proper date' and let him know what you want (something more longterm). And if you hear the lines 'im not sure what I want right now' or he starts talking about how his ex hurt him again - run.

*Run because he isn't taking you seriously and that wont change.

You've got nothing to worry about. He's shown you who he is now you need to listen, and raise your standards!

I’ve been here and sorry to say OP...If he was interested, he would be texting & chasing after you.

It takes 30 seconds to send a text, so the “too busy catching up with friends/family” justification doesn’t stack up.

Just stop texting him and see what happens. I bet you won’t hear from him again.

Just stop texting him and see what happens. I bet you won’t hear from him again.

Yup, seconded.

Possible he's embarrassed if "it didn't really work" but an adult would know how to cope with this without being so uncommunicative

Call him on it and ask him directly whether he's still interested or not. He'll do one of 3 things

Answer positively - yay!

Answer negatively or not answer - you'll know where you stand then.

I think he's backed off too. Probably down to the non sex /sex night .

I’m mixed.

Instinct says he’s uninterested because he’s not texting much. Seems clear.

However, he may well like you but is feeling embarrassed about the failed sex.

So, in this case I’d ask him if he’s still interested in meeting up. As pp said, he’ll either ignore you or say yes/no and then you’ll have an answer.

He kept apologising and I told him it was fine, I was genuinely okay with it. Like I say, we'd had a lot to drink, so that along with it being the first time and him being tired from work was probably the cause.

He really, really doesn't seem the player type. In fact I'd say he seems the complete opposite. I think Graphista is right and I need to ask him what's going on and why he's being so quiet.

I'd leave it a couple of days - he's been away then working crap hours. Give the man some space. If you haven't heard from him by Monday, then follow up and ask where you stand.

Sounds like he has lost interest. Ask him but prepare yourself for the possibility of no response which in itself will be an answer but it might leave you feeling shite.

Anyone who tells you they're wary because of their last relationship is waving an OLD-red-flag, imo.

Didn't have to ask in the end. Finished work and found a message from him saying he doesn't think he's feeling much of a spark, that I'm great craic and a good drinking buddy but he's not feeling anything romantic.

At least now you know. Move on and good luck going forward

Sorry to hear it, OP. But it clears the decks for someone new. Sending good vibes your way x

Aw sorry op that sucks.

Let’s be happy for OP - she can find someone much better suited for her!

Aw, thanks everyone. I'm feeling better now, I had a little bit of a cry but I have a good group chat going on with some friends and they've cheered me up. Me and him are going to stay friends, he genuinely is a nice guy and I don't think badly of him. Just questioning his taste in women a bit now because I'm awesome!

Decent that he was at least straight with you and you know where you stand. Had similar mixed messages with a tentative relationship that dragged on for ages. So much better to be honest. Now you can move on!