Okay, this is going to be long, but please bare with me. Me and my partner were due to go to my MIL’s house last night, I raced home from work to get ready so we could leave on time, bare in mind I am 28 weeks pregnant and I’m exhausted, especially in this heat. But I spent the time getting ready, no complaints. Then my partner asks if I would drive to his mum’s, I agreed but hesitantly as I don’t like the drive, the roads aren’t great, and he knows it like the back of his hand unlike me. I asked why he couldn’t drive, he said he wanted to have a drink with his mum, so I said fine I’ll drive but I need to get fuel, and he rolled his eyes and said oh if it’s too much trouble don’t bother and went off downstairs like a child, before coming back up and telling me he would drive as I was finishing getting ready.
Long story short, as we were leaving the house I asked for his key to lock the front-door, as I’m not going to take mine if he’s driving, and he goes I thought you were driving? We got into his car and I said do you want me to drive? He said it’s too late now, put the key in the ignition and drove off. Bare in mind we were sat next to my car in the driveway all he had to say was yes, and I would have got my keys from the house, but no. He drove off and the row that ensued was astronomical.
Long story short, he said I was selfish, and I couldn’t just do one thing for him. I had to bitch and moan. He said he always puts me first and does whatever I want, and he never moans or complains, and basically he’s perfect in every single way. (eyeroll). And then came the long list of my faults, bare in mind I didn’t once say I wouldn’t drive, I said I didn’t like the drive, but no, he started shouting at me that I didn’t appreciate a single thing he does for me, I never put him first, I never ever reciprocate the favours he does for me, I always think about myself. Admittedly my car was broken for a couple of weeks and he drove me to and from work, but I ALWAYS said thank you and he knew it was appreciated. The comments that he made were so completely unrelated to what we were first arguing about. He then went on to say if he treated me the way I treated him we wouldn’t be together. I was shocked to be honest, I said if I’m so bad don’t be with me then? If I’m so horrible and treat you so badly why are we together? Albeit I’m not the perfect girlfriend (who is?) but I always treat him fairly and he’s never had to question whether he’s enough. I constantly thank him for the things he does, and I always tell him I love him. All of this ensued because I made a comment about not liking the drive to his mum’s house. The argument progressed, and he was just continuing to raise his voice and scream at me, I said take me home I’m not coming to your mum’s so we span back around, he said if I take you home are you going to drive, I said I’m not coming. You can go by yourself. Why the hell would I want to go anywhere with you when you’re like this. You’re so rude. He is so nasty when he’s angry, it’s the way he speaks to me, he’s so belittling, and patronising, he goes let me explain this in a way you can understand, the conversation should have gone, will you drive to my mum’s tonight? Yes. That’s all you had to do. He said a 5 year old can understand. I was about ready to cry at this point, I’m not a crier but I had had enough, I was sick of it. He said you’ve got nothing to say? I’m waiting for an apology, he said I shouldn’t have to tell you how to act like a f**cking human being.
We had a massive argument a few weeks ago over how he doesn’t feel like I’m as affectionate as I used to be, and that I’ve changed. I have never been an overly affectionate, emotional person, it’s just who I am, I can’t help it. He tried to make out he was being neglected, as he is a very affectionate and loving guy and sometimes he wants the same back. To be honest, the topic was so out of the blue as we had never even broached it. I thought everything was fine, but apparently he was at breaking point. I don’t think I’m any different now to when we first got together, it’s the affection he said has changed (I know he meant sex), and yes we don’t have sex nearly as much as we used too, in the beginning of my pregnancy I was so sick and exhausted, and felt terrible the last thing I wanted to do was be intimate but I tried, and even now I try, but I am exhausted and it’s not that comfortable for me anymore so no I’m not going to want sex every single day, but we do still manage around twice a week. So I apologised and said I’m sorry if he felt that way, I would try harder to be more affectionate, and I have been, and he’s even said I have noticed how much you’re trying so thank you for that, it doesn’t go unnoticed. But then the other night he made a comment that he still feels like I don’t bother. It’s like this long reel of my faults each week; there is always something. And I just don’t know what to do? One week I’m giving him what he needs, the next I’m not. I physically can’t keep up with it all. I am trying, really I am, but it’s like this barrage of how I’m not enough. And it’s emotionally exhausting.
Obviously that argument was in the back of my mind, and the additional comments from last night just tipped me over the edge, I broke down when we got back into the house, I said I have never made you feel like you’re not enough, and if I’m not good enough right now as I am then we shouldn’t be together. You cannot love someone completely and want to change who they are. He broke down and said that he loved me, and that he was sorry for the comments but they were said in anger. I said it’s when you’re angry the truth comes out. The trouble is you can’t get them back now, they’re in my head, and for the last few weeks I’m constantly thinking am I doing enough? Am I enough? And I said I’m sick of it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue to feel like you want me to be someone I’m not, or you truly thing I’m all of those things, I’m not appreciative, I’m selfish, I don’t show any emotion etc.
I just feel like I’m not enough. Am I being overly sensitive? My hormones are everywhere right now, but I just don’t think it’s fair to be in a relationship where you constantly have to think whether you’re enough, and that your partner wants you to change.
Any advice or similar experiences?