Should we try for a baby?

[cheesychipsandbighips]

I'm looking for some opinions based on my circumstances.

Have a ds7 from a previous relationship. Ex/his dad still on the scene, sees ds regularly. All good.

Been with my dp 3 years. Engaged and living together. Very happy. I am 34, he is 45. He has no kids.

He's never been overly bothered about having his own kids. I am not desperate for more but have always wanted a sibling for ds. I kind of get that jealous broody twang when I hear other people are pregnant and have never totally ruled the idea out. My relationship with ds dad was terrible and the pregnancy wasn't planned. We split up soon after ds was born. I have always wondered how it would be to have a family with someone i truly love.

Dp isn't against the idea but his age concerns him. We are also lucky enough to have lots of free time (EOW) when ds is at his dads meaning we get to have a nice lifestyle and some free time which would obviously be no more should another child enter the dynamic. We both work and have active social lives. There would also be quite a big age gap as ds is 8 this year.

Money wouldn't be an issue.

We are very happy as we are but I can't shake off the feeling something is missing. I don't think you should actively try for a baby unless you're both totally sure it's what you want. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective and other people's opinions and experience :)

Thanks guys I think you are probably right.

I would hate to feel like I've somehow convinced dp. And the truth is I'm not even sure myself. I enjoy the free time we get and would find it difficult coming out of work again. I already have ds who I adore. I guess maybe the timing just isn't right.

Tricky. I think a lot of women think about having a baby when they realise that potentially this is their last chance because of their age. Having had my children before 30 I wouldn't personally want to be dealing with nappies all over again, but one of my friends did (13 years gap between children) and she is very happy being a mum. Her husband is not unhappy as such but just somewhat resentful with regards to implications of not being able to retire (probably ever!) and such like. He totally consented to having a baby but did it mostly to make his wife happy - there's nothing wrong with that and it can work as long as everyone is on the same page.

Definitely not for lots of reasons. He is not fully engaged to the idea of fatherhood. What if he has his own child and begins show favouritisum over your present child.
What if your relationship breaks down and you find yourself a single parent. His age could be an issue too.
Enjoy what you have now, it sounds great!

I'd try and shake off the idea of a 'proper' family. It's just a load of romanticised bull. The three of you live together. You and DP are engaged. DS has a good relationship with his dad. What is wrong with that? Why is that not 'proper'?

My older brother pathologically loathed me from birth and it really affected him (my birth).
I’d say my friends with siblings divide pretty equally between those who got on with their sibling and those who’d rather not have had them!
You really don’t know whether your son would benefit from a sibling. It would be pot luck. How would you both cope with a child with additional needs? It’s not uncommon and is something that should be considered.
Your life sounds quite nice and settled, your fiancé sound uncertain, do you really want to roll the dice on this one?

Dont do it because you're boduclick is telling you something

Dont do it because you think your ds would love a sibling (by the time you have said DC your ds will he 10 & will have zero interest in have a little brother or sister & will probably resent the attention is now all on the new dc.

Don't have one because your dp has never experienced "fatherhood" and you think it will be good for him.

Just don't have one.

There's a 7 year gap between my brother and myself, we're not close and never were growing up, although I know if either of us needed help from the other it would be given.
If your DP enjoys his lifestyle how would you feel if he continued that while you were left holding the baby? So many times on here you read of babies causing rifts in otherwise happy relationships.

Bear in mind when your DP is 60 and wanting to kick back and enjoy his approach to retirement you will have a teenager in your home to contend with.
My feeling is if you're both happy as you are let it be.

@GibbonLover what I meant was I have never had the experience of having a child/family with someone I really love. My relationship with my ex was doomed and even before ds was born I knew it wouldn't last but gave it a chance as I was pregnant. My ex was not the man I should have had children with but obviously I am very blessed and happy that I've got my son and wouldn't change him for the world.

I don't feel like our blended/step family set up is wrong or 'not proper' I would just like to know how it feels to have a child with someone you deeply love and are committed to a future with. I imagine it would be an altogether better experience.

This has all given me a lot to think about and based on the level of doubts both me and dp have I think it's best to knock the idea on the head for now.

From someone who had their first at 37 (dh 45) then yes, go for it.

45 is not too old.

45 is not too old.

Personal opinion, I think it is. Being in my 60s before a kid even leaves school? No thanks!