Alcoholic or not?

[ValleysGirl72]

Hi guys, newbie here looking for an outsiders point of view

My husband drinks most evenings, not just a glass or two of wine, he drinks a whole bottle to himself at least 4 or 5 nights a week.

I think he has a problem, but he doesn't. Am I wrong??

Many thanks in advance

It's excessive, unhealthy & possibly an addicttion'

Addiction.

Hmm. I'm not a big drinker, I have maybe a glass of wine a week. But I do know people who drink that much and I wouldn't consider them alcoholics. Depends.

I certainly used to drink probably that much when I was in my 20s and going out most nights. And lots of students drink more than that. It isn’t the quantity that makes someone an alcoholic, it’s whether the drinking is problematic and whether it controls their life.

Can he easily go a week or a month without drinking if he needed to? Would he be open to drinking, say, only on the weekends? Does it get in the way of work or family commitments? Etc.

Read about alcoholism. It's not how much or what you drink ... it's what it does to you, what your behaviour is like when you drink and the consequences that follow.

When alcohol costs you more than money, that's when you have a problem.

Alcoholism isn't based on volume it's based on behaviour and whether or not he needs to drink.

Could he stop if he wanted to? Does his drinking get in the way of other aspects of his life? Think about these things and you'll maybe have a clearer idea.

It's definitely not good for his health to drink to this extent but it might not necessarily be alcoholism.

You will get a lot of people on here telling you it is though. I've seen many an alcohol thread descend into posters calling the op an alcoholic even when it's clear their not and if they try to explain why they're not then they get called defensive - a clear sign of addiction 🤦🏻‍♀️

Do you feel he has a problem with alcohol?. Unfortunately the only person who can address this is him and he seems to be nowhere near the stage of wanting to do so.

Do read about alcoholism and its effects on family members.
Is the alcohol really controlling him rather than the other way around?.

If he is putting away a bottle of wine 4-5 nights a week every week then it can be argued he does have alcohol dependency. If it did not affect you, you would not be writing about this here. Seek support for your own self from Al-anon.

You cannot help him but you can certainly help your own self here by attending Al-anon meetings.

There are so many silly definitions of alcoholism. The one I think is the most significant is that it is a problem when you have to have rules to manage it. Because people with healthy attitudes to drinking don’t have to have rules.

His drinking is unhealthy. If it hasn’t already it will be making him addicted. Additionally he will be

• damaging his mental health
• increasing his risk of cancers
• increasing his risk of heart disease and hypertension
• damaging his liver
• making him fat
• making him socially repulsive

Since none of that is a positive it doesn’t make sense that he drinks to that extent unless he has a problem.

What is the longest period of time to your direct knowledge he has gone without alcohol?. How engaged is he with family life and his job?.

Where are you trying to get to with this?

Is it unhealthy? (Yes)

Is it alcoholism? We don’t know if he needs to drink or is compelled to drink or if he can take/leave it.