DH not listening

[Bunnylady53]

Is this a man thing? So many times I am telling DH something & he gives every indication of having clearly heard me yet then he will bring it up later as if I have never mentioned it! Drives me mad & when I tell him that, he does apologise but in a defensive way. He says he must have been doing something else at the time & admittedly sometimes he is but as I said, he acknowledges what I’ve told him & makes all the right noises, nods etc. We’ve had words about it tonight. He says to sit down on the sofa with him & have a chat then he will definitely take in what I’m saying. I know we are both busy & can get distracted but I don’t “ forget” stuff he’s told me half as much as he does! Can anyone recognise their relationship in this? I get annoyed but then feel he’s putting me in the wrong for being annoyed if that makes sense

My friends husband has a phrase for it when men do this he says it is "White noise" men just tune out sometimes.

You can turn it to your advantage. I mention something to my dp that I know he might not like/want. Then sometime later he brings it up as though he'd just thought of it! Result!

Bump

it could be him being passive aggressive and actively pretending not to have heard it to infuriate you.

Have a look into it as it opened my eyes when I realised this about my ex!

Or back everything up with a text message later, so he can't deny he's not heard it!

I actually do this more than dh does . It really is not deliberate, bur I do have trouble focussing on more than one thing at a time so if you talk to me when I am doing something else, it really will not go in, in the same way.

You are not in the wrong for being annoyed but he is feeling defensive about being critised for a deficit he has (ie inability to concentrate or focus on more than one thing at a time ). I think he has told you that you can do sitting him down and telling him important things (not a bad idea) but he also needs to take responsibility and not nod and make like he has hears so he can say something like

' Can you tell me this later when I can concentrate?' or ' 'sorry can you say that again, I was focussing on '....' so didn't take that in'

DH has this bad habit too. Last week we went shopping together and discussed meal plans, then later I realised he'd used the wrong ingredients in a curry, therefore messing up the other meals! So annoying, but I know he doesn't do it on purpose, I've realised that he just doesn't have very good attention to detail

We chatted about it last night & he did apologise. He said he does find it hard to do more than one thing at a time. Usually when he’s on his laptop or tablet he is working but I know it’s sometimes having a peek at Facebook in which case he could potentially listen to me at the same time. He’s clearing out the spare room at the mo - it is his office but it’s very cluttered so he doesn’t use it except for printing stuff. Once that’s ready, he can more easily separate work from family time. DD suffers as well because she can’t really interact with him when he’s working.

I am the one that does this in our house, I am afraid

When you're explaining something or trying to get an acknowledgement off them just throw the word 'blowjob' into the middle of what you're saying and watch them go all alert. Then you know they were only half-listening.

My th does this. I now do it too as I've got older and more distracted. I cba to listen properly and remember stuff after so long of having someone do this to me!

We joke in my house that my voice is at a frequency incompatible with DH ears. He can be a bit scatterbrained or preoccupied and means no harm, but yes it gets annoying.

I've taken to saying "DH, look at me. LOOK. The thing is here. Look at me, I'm putting it here. This is where the thing is now." He still forgets.

When I know he's preoccupied and just not listening, I'm always tempted to toss "oh and I fucked your brother" in there, but I've never actually said it yet!

I am awful for this. Head in computer or book the world passes me by. Drives my OH to distraction.