HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR SOUL-MATE?

[johnnydeppsmistress]

I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONLY WOMAN IN THE WHO HAS NOT MARRIED HER SOUL-MATE! HAVE YOU?

I SOMETIMES WONDER WHY I MARRIED MY HUSBAND - HE IS SWEET, NICE, A GOOD DAD ETC. BUT THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A TRUE CONNECTION BETWEEN US OR THAT "CORRR" FACTOR WHEN WE LOOK AT EACHOTHER! IS THIS NORMAL OR ARE THERE OTHER COUPLES LIKE US? WE ONLY EVER TALK ABOUT WORK, THE KIDS OR GOSSIP ABOUT FRIENDS OR FAMILY. WE NEVER HAVE MEANINGFUL DISCUSSIONS OR DEBATES, WHICH I CRAVE. I FANTASISE ABOUT HAVING A PARTNER I REALLY FANCY AND WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO - INSTEAD OF IT BEING A ONCE-WEEKLY CHORE!!!!

I FEEL SO BORED AND RESTRAINED IN THIS MARRIAGE AND REGULARLY DREAM OF LEAVING HIM.

DOES THIS STRIKE A CORD WITH ANYONE OR ARE YOU ALL BLISSFULLY HAPPY WITH YOUR SOUL-MATE?

I think it's v brave of you to come on and post so openly jdm, I'm not sure if many people would admit to it online, even if they felt the same. I think if you have been with someone for a long time, you go through peaks and troughs, the passion fades slowly, conversations are based around family issues, etc. It's v easy to slip into. Maybe now you have admitted how your marriage makes you feel, you might be able to work your way thorugh the worst points, and see how you can resolve them to make you happier?

jdm, I found my soulmate. I had to go to a different continent to find him, but I found him!. He's no longer here, but maybe it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Hi JDM, sorry to hear you're feeling like this. You say you sometimes dream of leaving him. Would you feel relieved if he left you? I felt like you for past couple of years. We'd been together for 12 years since we were q. young and have got two kids. i didn't really realise that he felt the same as he never said. He then met someone else, had fling, i asked him to leave. But, the reality of him thinking of leaving, of us being apart really changed how i viewed him. we have since had lots of conversations to 'deeper' level than we have ever had. and now i do think corr when before i didn't, maybe wanting what i haven't got. what i'm trying to say, is that lots of marriages get like this and i wish we'd faced up to it and seen our potential that was hidden very, very deep down beneath our lives and old habits. Have you considered telling your dh how you feel, in a nice way, and maybe trying Relate to see if there is something undeneath that is worth salvaging rather than marriage seeming like a chore and the only option available. you may then decide that you do want to go and find your soulmate, because i don't think doggedly staying in a marriage that doesn't make you happy is the right thing to do, but at least you would know that you have explored every last avenue. hope you have a better day tomorrow xx

Well jdm, I often have thoughts just like yours & wonder if I have ended up marrying the wrong man.
My dh & myself r very different, I am a very placid person while he has a terrible temper.
I too have had thoughts about leaving at times but then think how little money I would have 2 support my 2 children & that I would have no where 2 go anyway! I also worry about the effect that it would have on ds1(5) who adores his Dad.
Things r not bad all the time, but I do have 2 tread carefully with dh at times, especially as he is an ultra tidy person & I'm the opposite!
I often have dreams about old flames & wander if I made a mistake in marrying my dh, when my soul mate might be out there somewhere (he would go mad if he knew that I had posted this), but I also think that if I had not married him then I would not have my 2 gorgeous ds's.

Ooohhhh jd'ms yes was still married to XDH but we were not married in the sense that we lived in the same house or slept together or anything like that - he hated me and I hated him (Still do!!)!!

I'm not sure I'd want a soul-mate, it all sounds a bit dreary and claustrophobic. Meaningful discussions and debates are great now and then, but I would imagine a bit tedious on a daily basis. Anyway it's easier to have a debate with some with whom you have an academic friendship rather than a romantic involvement, otherwise disagreement tends to get personal (or perhaps that's just me ).

Perhaps JDM you missed out on having one of those intense, absorbing love affairs in your teens/twenties, they're very exciting and fulfilling at the time but once the infatuation wears off it's a real pain in the neck. I certainly now appreciate having an easy-going, kind, funny dh, and I wouldn't swap for an intense, brooding type.

I don't know, Bran, I'm not sure that JDM is yearning for an intense, brooding type (are you JDM?) - just for a bit of stimulating conversation now and then and the feeling of connection with someone. It can be very easy to lose that in a long-term relationship. The 'spark' definitely dies to some extent, for most people. But I think soulmates are an invention of romantic novelists anyway.

However, perhaps the question is - did you ever have this with him, JDM? If you're yearning for something you've lost in the relationship, then maybe you can get it back. If it was never there in the first place, that might be a different story.

My last post wasn't terribly useful was it? You expressed it much better Moomina when you said that soul-mates are an invention of romantic fiction. I just think that a nice husband is more comfortable than a grand passion. I love my dh very much but he doesn't supply all my emotional needs in the way that the name soul-mate implies, and wouldn't want him to, that's what friends (and quiet solitary reflection aka daydreaming) are for.

Perhaps JDM you might be able to find some of the intellectual fulfillment that you want outside of your marriage - join a book club or do some further education, you might even fancy him more if you are less frustrated intellectually.

I think I may have found someone else's soulmate - anyone want him?

No, no, I quite agree with you in that sense, Bran The idea that one person can provide everything you need is pretty ridiculous, and tbh I think shows a lack of imagination anyway!

I don't think grand passion is much of a basis for real-life, no matter how seductive the idea. When it fades - which it will - what do you have left? Friendship, companionship, understanding, shared ideals, etc are all more important in the end. Don't get too hung-up on this soulmate stuff, JDM, because the grass is rarely greener on th other side. (Am speaking from bitter experience, btw!)

agree with lou33

family life is monotonous and can make you feel like a BOF

I think i have found my soul mate but as you change and get older sometimes that 'new' romance thing wears off iykwim and you do need other people to talk to too. friends, relatives etc. not other male aquantancies iykwim!!!

Life would be very boring if you only clicked with the one person

Moo, you know my answer to that!

I'll stick him in the post for you tomorrow, lou (just need him to fix the loo seat first).

In his lab coat please.

Yes, it strikes a chord with me. I have found my soulmate but he is also married with impending fatherhood and I am stuck in my marriage with dull husband and 2 kids. He feels the same about me, we are passionately in love and made for each other but cannot be together, at least not at the moment.

jdm This is making me cry - I feel just the same as you.
worse, I HAVE found my soulmate but he is married to someone else

Would still not leave dh though because he is basiclaly good

I disagree that its romantic fiction!It just doesn't happen to everyone unfortunately We certainly don't have daily or even weekly deep and meaningfuls but the passion is sometimes just there in small everyday things and it certainly makes life more fulfilled.I think the fact that so many people are unhappy in relationships proves that there are soulmates rather than the other way round

i found my soul mate its jusy that he loves his mom more than me and had an arranged marrage

I beleive I ahve found my soul mate. We've been married for 6 years and have 1 dh, still fancy each other (though not in the butterfly's in stomach way) still have deep and meaningful conversations, still make each other laugh and although getting on with life means we don't spend as much 'quality' time alone together that we used to I could not imagine my life without him in it.

That should be have 1 ds. LOL!!!

My dp is my best freind, and i believe he's my soul mate. We've been together almost 5 years, and we still say "i love you" every day more than once. He makes me laugh, and he's a fantastic father.
He once said (during quite a heated argument) he couldn't imagin his life without me, and, luckily, i feel the same way
I feel very lucky to have found him.

xx

today i came home from work. we are a tad skintish at the mo - and our freezer contains an 8 pack of burgers and 4 hash browns and 3 pork chops. he bought a bag of spuds and ready for me as i walked through the door was a pork chop and baked potato. i just think the thought behind it all was great. he could have made me burger butties - but decided to try and make it a bit special. its stuff like that that keeps us together. the realisation and acknowledgement of such a nice thing to do - thats why i will never find anyone better. has he a good body? no do we debate frequently?no
i hope you find you debating peter andre washboard stomach lookalike i hope he is a lovely father for your children and he earns enough for you to have a new car every year. if i came accross this person and he asked me for a shag - i would say no becuase he wouldnt be the best father or the best shag or cook me a baked potato for my tea. that baked potato sums up soul mate for me

Thats lovely Custardo !