Hi all, long term lurker but first time poster. I signed up just to post this thread, I hope I’ll get some advice regarding my personal situation.
STXH and I were together for over 10 years and have three young DC. We agreed to separate 4 months ago and he moved out 6 weeks ago. All amicable and mutual, but I was the one initiating it. We are both doing much better now than when we were together and are sharing DC 50/50. DC seem to have adjusted well to the new situation.
A couple of months after agreeing to split, I decided to try a dating app out of curiosity and ended up talking to a lovely man, whom I have now been seeing for 2 months. Everything is very new and obviously don't know if it will last. Hence I have no plans for him to meet the DC anytime soon. I am enjoying the thrill of a new romance and the happiness that I hadn’t felt for so long.
So far I have been keeping my new relationship under wraps, especially out of respect for STBXH, since we separated so recently. It feels insensitive to throw it into his face. As far as I know he might not care at all, but still.. I don’t want to hurt him unnecessarily. I don’t think STBXH is seeing anyone, but obviously don’t know for sure.
However, the fact that we live in a very small and gossipy city means that I and new man are essentially dating in secret at either my place or his, because we can’t really go out together without bumping into people that know both me and STBXH. So no restaurants, no drinks, no walks, no cinema. Nothing in public.
I dread the idea of a mutual acquaintance seeing us and STBXH finding out through gossips. I feel like I should be the one telling him out of respect, but our split is so recent and I am afraid he would feel like he has been “replaced” so quickly. I especially worry about our good co-parenting relationship deteriorating over this.
So my question is: how can I handle this thoughtfully? How long after a marriage breakdown is morally ok to announce a new relationship (my DC will not know about this for a long time)? Should I keep dating new man “in secret” for another couple of months to give STBXH some time to adjust to our separation?
Thanks!