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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does he love me too?

18 replies

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 22:28

So I’ve been messaging this guy I work with for well over 6months now. - on and off.
We’ve slept together twice and have talked about being together.
The only thing I can’t get my head around is he won’t commit to me yet, he has ventured off and tried to make things work with a previous partner but it didn’t work out. - I couldn’t be mad as we never where in a relationship, but it hurt me because I have fallen for him and I do want to be with him.
When we talk he cares, he shows me all the signs and when we are together we get on soooo well!
We laugh all the time, and I feel so complete with him.
He gets jealous over me sometimes concerning other guys, always compliments me and always is there for me when I need someone.
My question is shall I tell him how I feel? Or will I loose him all together?
There are some things with me that are complicated which I know why he’s hesitant, but am I being used or does it sound like he genuinely feels for me too?
We’ve just always seem to gravitate back to each other and I don’t understand why if there’s nothing there.
Do I just lay it out or do I leave it?

OP posts:

JustHavingASadDay · 04/07/2019 22:35

I'd leave it.

You can see exactly how he feels about you - he refuses to commit to you and has tried, however unsuccessfully, to rekindle things with an ex.

It wouldn't look like this if he loved you.

JustHavingASadDay · 04/07/2019 22:37

Sorry to say but it sounds more like you're a reliable comfort and company when he feels like it.

You can get on well with some and laugh with them without being in love with them.

This is a classic case of needing to believe someone when they show you who they are, I'm afraid.

hadthesnip2 · 04/07/2019 22:44

What things with you are complicated & how does that impact on him....??

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 22:49

I’m married - recently single.
I ended it because I wasn’t happy. Neither was he. It was mutual.

OP posts:

Justathinslice · 04/07/2019 22:52

How recently single?
Did you cheat?

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 22:54

A few months, and no.

OP posts:

Justathinslice · 04/07/2019 23:00

Tbh OP, if someone wanted to get with me only a few months after their marriage broke down, I would think they needed an emotional crutch, and I wouldn't want to be it.
Maybe give it more time?

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 23:04

That’s what he’s pretty much said to me, which I totally get and understand.
At the same time, I’m not heartbroken or upset about it, it was mutual agreement.
I don’t understand why he would still want to be intimate with me if so.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 04/07/2019 23:07

I don’t understand why he would still want to be intimate with me if so

You really don't understand?

Not sure how old or experienced you are, but it's easy NSA sex for him...why wouldn't he be keen.

Ginger1982 · 04/07/2019 23:09

*I don't understand why he would still want to be intimate with me if so.
*
Because he knows he can get sex from you without giving you any commitment in return. If that was all you wanted then fine, but it clearly isn't. Given you're so recently single I would spend some time alone for a while then you'll hopefully find someone worth all this emotional effort.

merlotqueen · 04/07/2019 23:11

You are his 'in case' person, there in case he gets lonely or wants sex.

Don't be anybody's second best.

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 23:17

How could I be so stupid?

OP posts:

Justathinslice · 04/07/2019 23:28

Not stupid at all.

Maybe back off, invest in yourself for awhile and then reassess.

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 04/07/2019 23:29

Thank you

OP posts:

Sunsetsandcloudyskies · 04/07/2019 23:39

When he tried to rekindle with his ex, had that been a long term relationship? because if so then i could understand why he would want to try again. How often do you see him at work? Could it become awkward if it went wrong?

Original poster

Sasha1044 · 05/07/2019 08:42

Yeah they she’s been in the picture a lot longer than I have, but I’m not really upset that he tried coz I want him to be happy.
I see him quite often most days of the week, we’re really good friends too which makes it so hard. - it wouldnt be too awkward because we put in effort to not make it like that.
I just feel like I have so much I wanna tell him but I just don’t want to look a fool.
It’s hard to write it down and get the whole situation across, but I basically really like him.

OP posts:

NameChangeNugget · 05/07/2019 08:56

Put the brakes on and don’t try to force anything. Expecting him to commit, so soon and having slept with you twice is unrealistic

Sunsetsandcloudyskies · 05/07/2019 09:59

When you slept with him what kind of situation wasn’t it? Works night out or after a date? Was it intentional or by mistake and how long was between the two times?
It sounds like you maybe made it easy for him and the fact he tried to rekindle with his ex shows he doesn’t have much respect for you. It’s not likely to work with his ex if he works with you and she knows about you. I would back off for a bit as his head seems a bit everywhere atm and if he still loves his ex then he needs to sort himself out too. He now would prob have to choose between work and her and that might not be a viable option and had put him in an awkward place. It’s awkward all round really

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