I'm so lost

[OwllwOOwllwO]

My DP has ended things with me because of my alcohol problem. I drink everyday but I don't get drunk. When i do get drunk I cant control myself and I turn nasty and come out with all kinds of shit that i dont even remember. Saturday I did just that and now my DP has ended things once and for all. He won't talk to me and has blocked me on whatsapp and his phone. I'm so lost without him. We were together for over 3 years and he means everything to me. He ended things because this drunkenness has happened before and I've always said it wouldn't happen again but I never actually tried to stop drinking. I have now but only because I've lost him. It hurts so much, he was all I had in my life other than my kids. I was put in care at 13 so grew up without a family. I think this triggers my drinking but that's no excuse. Sorry I just needed somewhere to talk about it as my "friends" know but haven't even contacted me. I feel so alone

Oh honey I’ve been there..... all I can suggest is get help and get it now in every way shape and form you can.
So google local AA meetings, find out about local counselling services through GP, there’s an alcohol support thread on here.
Reach out to your loved ones and admit you have a problem and want to change it.
One day, hour at a time, tiny steps.
Most of all look after yourself and your children right now.
Big hugs

I'm sorry OP. How often were you drinking to get drunk? Do you want to try and stop drinking/do you consider it a problem in your life other than the effect it's had on your relationship?

lulu thank you for the advice. It's so hard to admit you have a problem

flyingplum i didnt consider it so much as a problem. I was probably going out twice a month and getting drunk. I did drink a couple of glasses a day if not a bottle. I'm currently studying for my Masters and have on multiple occasions been hungover. I now know that yes I do have a problem. My liver has been hurting for a few weeks. It has to stop. I haven't touched a thing since that early hours of Sunday.. I'm not going to lie, it is so hard especially with my relationship breaking down because of it. I honestly hate who I am when drunk

Just keep going, slowly and steadily.
You’ve already achieved 4 days - that’s amazing!

Now, if you do fall off the wagon again, please please don’t beat yourself up. That’s just a double negative.
Pick yourself back up and start afresh the next day

Get on the alcohol support board. Get sober. Good luck. It is going to get so much better.