Just Having A Sad Day

[JustHavingASadDay]

Just that really. And a little bit frustrated.

I'm single. Content, but not really happy, to be so. I'm not interested in 'dating' or a relationship for the sake of not being single. I'm ok on my own but I do sometimes get down and a bit lonely.

It seems worse somehow at this time of year, when the sun is shining and everywhere is full of people out with their friends/partner and I'm doing stuff on my own. I'm happy to do stuff on my own but I'm just getting a bit fed up of it always being this way.

I used to have a group of male/female friends who were largely single and we would do stuff together but, over the past 4 or 5 years, those people have met partners and now spend all their time with them - so catch ups are a coffee once every 2 months rather than making plans to go to the theatre/dinner/pub together. The friendship group kind of splintered and people moved on.

I know a fair number of people but I've not been able to forge proper friendships with any of them - they already have longstanding friendships and don't need another or they are busy with their partners and don't need a spare wheel.

I'm trying to find the balance between making suggestions and looking needy - which I'm not, it's just that sometimes, I really don't want to go and see a band on my own!

I don't really expect anyone to have any answers - I'm not really asking a question! I'm just feeling a bit down today because of it.

I had pencilled in plans to go out with a friend couple this weekend that has fallen through and I'm faced with the prospect of going out on my own or staying it - on my own...

Neither of which is particularly appealing, if I'm honest.

I think you should go out. There are loads of events going on this weekend and the weather's going to be okay. Have a look online and do something different. Seeing a band is a good way to get to know people in the audience, most people are friendly, and not everyone is all loved up with a partner. It sounds as if you need to widen your social circle, have you got any interests or hobbies? Cycling, walking, climbing, diving, windsurfing, book club, supper club? See what's going on in your local community. I live by the coast and have joined the beach cleaners and a cycling group = instant new friends in some cases.

I hope your sadness passes and you find yourself smiling again soon.

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely. What kind of music do you like?

I feel for you, I’m in a similar position, I’ve been trying to widen my social circle. Have you looked into anything like www.spiceuk.com/. It looks fabulous, loads of different activities and holidays, I think a lot of people there are/were in a similar situation.

Thanks for the replies.

I looked into Spice but there wasn't enough I could do to make it worth the membership fee, tbh.

I have two children - well, one's 20 now, so an adult, but live at home (some additional needs). The other is a teenager and happy to be left with the eldest but I don't like to go out too much when the youngest is at home- it doesn't feel right.

I do have hobbies - I play in two bands so we meet weekly to rehearse and gig a fair bit but I only really see them in the context of band stuff - or maybe meet up for lunch if we can. But we're not really friends. So I don't see them at the weekends etc. Or rather, we are, but they make plans with their other friends, partners, family.

I work almost full time and am trying to get a small part time business up and running too so it's not like I'm bored - just lonely!

I have done other sociable hobbies over the past few years and met people through those but still not made any proper friends. I have a number of acquaintances of varying degrees of closeness but still find it difficult to find someone to go out with. I go to the gym, yoga (when I can!), I dont have time for much else at the moment.

Music wise, I like punk/rock/alternative. I see the same people when I go out if I see bands locally but no one well enough to arrange to go out with. That's not to say we haven't swapped numbers or that I haven't suggested meeting up for coffee - I have and the feedback is always that they've had a lovely time and want to do it again; it just doesn't really happen.

I suppose I'm just aware that I'm always the person who goes there on my own and comes home on my own, whoever else I've spoken to during the evening. I just feel like a bit of a loser really.

It doesn't help that I'm also getting to an age where a lot of people have parents who are getting older and need help and I dont have that either.

I feel like I'm doing all he things I'm supposed to do but none of it is really working.

Where do you live, I like that music so would come out with you!

Have you tried volunteering or joining meet up groups for things you’re interested in

I'm just outside Birmingham (so you'd think there would be plenty of people!)

I looked at meet up but couldn't find anything that interested me.

Yes, I've done volunteering - I'm not at the moment but wouldn't have the time to commit. I did meet people through that and am still in touch with a couple but, again, it's a coffee/lunch a few times a year - not people I have interests in common with and they still fall into having partners and family.

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong as such, I just don't seem to be able to make proper friendships!

I was just sitting in a beer garden in the sun and it occurred to me that I would far rather have been alone than with dh. Just because I would not have felt compelled to make conversation (and received bored responses back). Just saying so you can see the other side. Hope it helps X

Hi I’m just outside Birmingham too :) feel free to message me. Hope ur feeling abit better now xxx

If I was anywhere near Birmingham I’d suggest meeting up, you sound great - keep on keeping on

Hi OP, I could’ve written your post! I too am struggling with friendships. That’s the part I miss about being in a relationship, the spontaneity.
I would like a friend/s to share activities with, and I do have some, it just seems such an effort to arrange anything that I don’t bother. I’m down South, so if you’re ever wanting to hang out in London, Im your girl

That's exactly it, pointless It's the fact that I have no one to make "what shall we do on Saturday night?" plans with that I miss. When my friends were single, I'd plan things with them. Now, when I ask anyone if they're free, or try and plan things a few weeks in advance, they, understandably, want to check with their partners, or have plans already made.

Haha, I go to London once a year for the weekend to catch some of the Proms but that's all. I shall bear it in mind, should i ever find myself down that way

Littlefluffyclouds "keep on keeping on" - it's all you can do!

LEA07 I am feeling a little better, thanks.

spudulike When I read your post last night, I was also sitting in a beer garden on my own whilst my daugther was down the road at a club.

In the nicest way, I don't need to see the other side. I've had relationships in the past - I know what it can be like. But enjoying the peace and quiet of a well deserved hour or so on your own within a marriage might look the same as an hour of peace and quiet on your own because you don't have anyone else to spend it with.

But it doesn't feel the same.

just I have loved/lost/been loved etc etc, I feel lucky that I have experienced the wonderful feelings of being in love. I don’t ‘need’ this, what I need is a tight support network that I can call on, will understand me, that’s what a solid relationship can bring.
I’m (it seems) surrounded by people who are ‘happy’ or solid, successful in relationships (all kinds) so feel a complete failure

what I need is a tight support network that I can call on, will understand me, that’s what a solid relationship can bring.

That's exactly it.

Me too. ALL my friends are happily married. I keep seeing their family days out on FB and declarations of love on Anniversaries....

I feel like you Sad and Fluffy. It sucks.

I have figured out how to private message lol, sent you one, you sound lovely! I hope today’s better :) xx