Tips for coping with this?

[MrsWaterford]

I have a long term physical illness which leaves me fatigued and makes everyday tasks difficult. I’m 34 now and am coming to terms with not being able to have children due to illness. I’ve previously hoped I’d get better before it was too late but that’s looking unlikely now.

My sister has a little boy who’s 16 months old. I look after him 2 afternoons a week now she’s back in work and I’m finding it increasingly hard. All I think about when I have him is that I’ll never get to have that for myself or know what it’s like to be a mother. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone in RL about it because I’ll just look selfish about not helping her out. I can’t say I can’t watch him anymore because I don’t work due to illness so haven’t got any commitments I could say I need to do instead.

So how can I stop feeling this way? It’s worse than ever at the moment because a relationship I was in has just ended, we’d talked about the possibility of having children but that’s not going to happen now. I want to feel happy for my sister and to enjoy spending time with my nephew but I’m finding it really hard at the moment.

Could you talk to your sister and be honest about your feelings? They're perfectly valid and you might feel better for sharing them
Or have you a friend you can talk it through with?
It sounds like you're really struggling on all fronts and need some real life support

Have you had any counselling to deal with all of this?
It think that is your first port of call.
If you can, explain how you feel to your sister as well.

I feel your pain. I have not been able to have children and there's barely a day goes by when l don't think about it. I am now 52
People said it would get easier over time but it still hurts like Hell. Sorry not to be more positive. I hope you find some resolution to your situation but please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

Are you well enough to consider fostering or adoption?
In your position I'd talk to my sister, would your sister understand?

Thanks for the replies everyone. Sorry you’ve felt the same Countrypie .

I’m not sure about talking to my sister, I feel like it’d be selfish of me and I’d be taking away some of her joy of being a mum by talking about how it upsets me. It’s not her fault and I don’t want to make things difficult for her re. childcare/ feeling like she couldn’t call on me for help.

I might look into counselling. I was kind of ok with things when I was single because it wasn’t a possibility then anyway but since being in a relationship it’s been on my mind a bit again so that’s made it harder. I feel like the chance, however small, has been taken away from me again. He wouldn’t talk to me about how I was feeling about children, just heard it as I wouldn’t be able to manage with them, so i feel like I’ve been left to deal with things on my own again for now. Hopefully as some time passes it’ll get a bit easier again but in the meantime I’ll see if I can find a counsellor to at least have someone to talk things through with.