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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am really not sure if this is unreasonable, just need some perespective

8 replies

isthisreallythatunreasonable · 04/07/2019 13:35

I was chatting to a friend of mine, who asked if I had seen my mum recently, when I said no not for a while, she said oh I saw her the other day with your sister. We continued chatting and my friend said its sad that she doesn't have the same relationship with your son as she doesn't with her other grandchildren.

This has left a bit of doubt in my head. I am going to try not to drip feed.

There is a massive difference between my family and my sister's family, my mum does live closer to my sister, she always babysits for her as both sister and husband work long hours during the day, they have a spare room in their house, which we don't. In the last month I think my mum has been there 3 or 4 days a week. We don't have a car, so my mum would have to drive here as getting to her on train is a nightmare and can take up to 3 hours (40 minute drive) However mum doesn't like driving at night, so that limits her during the winter months.

We have a dog, which mum doesn't like and both my nephews are older so actually take less effort, in a sense to watch than my son who is always on the go.

They have taken my son away on weekends away (which we wouldn't be able to afford as a family) theme parks day outs, just general days out.

Neither partners have parents on their side so it is just my mum and dad

I don't get on brilliantly with my sister, nothing major we are just two very different people, with very different lives, so I am wondering if this is where the doubt comes from.

I wonder whether I should say something to my mum about missing out on my DS or to be honest just leave it. She does phone DS a lot and he has never noticed any difference and if he did it can be explained that sister and family have very different lives to us so Nana needs to give them a bit more of a helping hand.

We have had a really tough year, so I am probably more sensitive to a throw away comment at the moment.

Oh and if you are wondering why this isn't about my Dad he sees the grandchildren once in a while as he lives abroad

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 04/07/2019 14:00

I think your friend should learn to be a bit more sensitive and not make throwaway comments that can upset people without knowing the full situation.

It doesn't sound like your mom leaves anyone out, your sister just needs more help and is happy to ask for it.

Did it bother you before your friend mentioned it?

isthisreallythatunreasonable · 04/07/2019 14:40

@newmomof1

It bothered me at the start, but tbf to my mum she did say that she wouldn't be able to commit to anything because she had committed to helping my sister and in the old MNs phrase she is really not there to be relied on for my childcare. Also a lot of things have changed since then, we have moved, she has moved, illnesses and such like have made it more difficult, so it certainly hasn't bothered me in a good 6 years

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 04/07/2019 14:53

I think you should just brush off your friends comment then.
It's not worth getting upset over if you've been ok with the situation for so long Smile

LittleWalnutTree · 04/07/2019 15:19

Agree with others, your friend either has foot-in-mouth disease and was rather tactless, or she was doing a tiny bit of shit-stirring. Some people are like that, they enjoy pulling the rug from under you, so to speak.

Does your friend have any kind of form for this sort of thing?

isthisreallythatunreasonable · 04/07/2019 15:28

@LittleWalnutTree

No, I wouldn't say she was a shit stirrer. Blunt or maybe doesn't think on occasion, but she is normally a very decent friend

Like I said normally I wouldn't of given it a second thought and as I was typing out the post, I was thinking maybe I am being more sensitive than normal.

Thank you to you both for giving me your opinions

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 04/07/2019 15:44

sounds like your friend was trying to shit stir.

SavingSpaces2019 · 04/07/2019 15:45

maybe she's bored at the moment and looking for drama?

isthisreallythatunreasonable · 04/07/2019 19:37

No, she really isn't that sort of friend.

I think it was probably a foot in mouth moment for her. Certainly 12 months ago I would of come out with, nop they just have a different relationship, but as I said we have been through a tough time and I seem to be examining every little detail of my life and one thoughtless comment sets me off.

OP posts:
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