Boyfriend on dating apps messaging teenagers

[Coconutlattelover]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Background is relevant here - we are both 26, been together since we were 21. Both (as far as I know) been faithful. We were recently watching Easy on Netflix and there’s a married couple on there exploring polyamory. Bf asked me how I felt about that, and I stupidly said I didn’t think I’d be overly jealous. I don’t know why I said this, I think I just don’t know my own feelings or something. I said ‘hmm do it if you want’ but I didn’t think he actually would - anyway next day I discover him swiping frantically on Tinder, Bumble and Ok Cupid - he has downloaded all three and has set his age settings to 18-21! An 18 year old girl would have been like 12 when we met, which just seems like a very big and worrying age gap. Also I feel like it’s predatory. He showed me the messages he’s been sending as he said he has nothing to hide since “we agreed” and I felt overwhelmed and upset by them, sending a message to a girl carrying a cat which said ‘nice pussy’ - he said he’d not get emotionally attached and that I’d always be his no.1 hmm

I have brought this on myself I know by saying I found the idea interesting and even a sight turn on when we were just talking about it. I’m not happy about this anymore though and don’t know what to do.

Aaahhhhhb

@Pinkheart 18 is too young, they should be left to date their own age. May be legal but they are still developing (brain wise).

Am I the only one totally baffled by this? In my world, if my partner wants to shag lots of other people then it means he doesn’t love me, and the relationship is over. That’s all there is to it. I don’t buy all this poly stuff, that’s just weird people doing weird stuff because they haven’t found anyone they really love.

I think if you look at brain chemicals, hormones, our evolution etc it's more surprising that anyone manages monogamy. But then love is a choice once you get past the honeymoon, and most people can't be arsed being respectful and overriding 'muh feelings'

Run a mile. It's likely anyway that you've reached the natural end of your relationship - you were so young when you met - but he's shown himself to be such a dick that you should let him go and try to meet someone really nice. (Don't tell me he's normally nice - this is not what a nice man does.)

Agree with @thebogwitchisback

Do you ever get corerced into things you arent comfortable doing sexually OP? Because from where im standing it doesnt look like you're confident setting out boundaries with this tosser.

He's the type of guy who wouldn't stop if you decided you didn't want sex (or a particular sexual practice) after you'd started, because, 'you agreed before'. He's just showing it in a different context - clearly and plainly.

Ditch the complete and utter tosser before he rapes you physically as well as emotionally.

Wooowwww he jumped in fast. Me and my partner involve others in our sex life regularly but jesus that is pushy and quite cold imo.

That's the main issue for me in your post really. My partner and I had several long honest heartfelt discussions about it after we agreed and before we did anything real.

Your thread title is a bit misleading tbh. You told him you'd be okay with it and he went for it.

He's connecting with young adults..8 years age gap. I wouldn't want my 18 yo to do this...but I had a 27 yo BF at 20... so not a huge difference really.

Are you not interested in connecting with other men? And would he be okay with it?

Men come down hot and heavy on those apps and I bet he'd soon regret it.

@Mintychoc1

In my world, if my partner wants to shag lots of other people then it means he doesn’t love me, and the relationship is over. That’s all there is to it.

There's a whole world of relationships that involve a third party or parties and it doesn't mean they love their DP/DW/DH any less.

You have open relationships, cuckold, cuckqueans and polyamory... and the standard stuff in between.

It's not everyone's cup of tea, but some men and women are incapable of monogamy and it works for them.

OP you told him you wouldn’t be jealous and to do it if he wanted to!!
If you’ve changed your mind, tell him and make it clear that you don’t want that type of relationship. But be prepared to end it/for it to be over as he sounds like this is what he wants to do.