been with DH for quite a while now. He was my first love. I wasn't his. I always felt like I had a lot to live up to as he was with his ex for a long time. I actually look quite a bit like her which is scarey. When we got together, a few months into the relationship he did have a one night thing with one of my friends. Anyway, I forgave him and told him if he ever did it again I would pack his bags for him. Move forward a number of years and a few kids and 3 miscarriages later as well as a lot of other problems. I think that my marriage is over. If I am honest, it probably has been for a while. I told DH a while ago that I no longer felt the same as I used to and that i don't love him anymore. I was diangnosed with depression which i am now on treatment for. DH said that he still loved me and wanted to be with me. He pushed and pushed and tried to make put that there was nothing wrong, then all of a sudden one day, bang, nothing. He doesn't come anywhere near me, barely talks to me. We don't spend any time together. He sits on one side of the lounge and I sit on the other. I knew he was coming home for lunch today so I cooked a chicken dinner in the hope that later on we might be able to spend some time with the children as a family and maybe just go out and get some chips or something. He sat at the table and barely said a word, half ate his dinner and went back off to work without so much as a thank you or even seeming as though he want's to be here. He barely texts me anymore, yet he is still putting plenty of credit on his phone so I dread to think what he is doing with it. We haven't had sex for nearly a year. I just don't want to (with him or anyone else for that matter) and I think he has given up. When we go to bed, he turns his back on me and goes to sleep. Even our feet don't touch all night. No such thing as a cuddle either. It is probably my fault for not sleeping with him. Either he has realised he doesn't love me after all or he is just putting up with me. I have tried talking to him. He just always says 'of course i still love you/want to be here' and thats it. But nothing ever changes. I don't think that it ever will. But I am scared of being my own and having to manage the kids on my own, especially when I get ill, I would have nobody near to help. We are in a better financial position than we have ever been in before, but I we could not afford to go to any kind of counselling or anything. I don't think there would be any point. I am fed up of the trudge. Fed up of having to do all of his washing and cleaning up after him for no thanks or anything. Yet sometimes, he will go mad and do a lot of tidying up etc, but its just like he is trying to prove that he doesn't need me. I'm sorry, this is a hell of a rant, it probably doesnt even make sense.