Think my relationship is over..........

[Unlucky88]

I have been with my husband for the last 20 years, lately I don’t think he wants to be with me anymore and I feel that it’s my fault. We don’t talk much about anything lately but we are like chalk and cheese. He is very outgoing, likes going for nights out where I have social anxiety and do like my own company. He has lots of friends where I don’t have any people in my life who I class a friends other than work colleagues and he finds this odd. I have low self esteem, bullied for years at school and I have been in a few bad relationships. Lately my husband has been acting oddly, he has been working long hours, going away at weekends to social functions, constantly on his mobile phone which never leaves his side and his manner towards me has changed. I used to do everything for him and now he has started doing it himself. When he is at home he is looking for reasons to get out of the house. I never know what mood he is going to come home from work in, he can be quiet aggressive in conversation and I am starting to dread coming home from work because I don’t know what mood he will be in. He never asks how I am or how my day has been but I listen to how his day has gone. He never asks if I mind if he goes away for the weekend, he just tells me he is going. I feel that I am the most boring person in the world, I never have any conversation and he isn’t interested in my job at all. Any hobbies I had before I met him are long gone, he made it difficult for me to do them early on in our relationship as he used to make me feel guilty about spending time without him. He seems to like knowing that I am at home and not out doing stuff. I feel so alone, I don’t know if he is seeing someone else or if it just a phase he is going through but I really don’t think he likes me anymore. I can’t talk to him about this because he will blame it all on me and then he wont speak to me for days on end. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore, if I was in a better financial state maybe I would feel a bit better. Has anyone been through something similar?

I think you should start by reestablishing your hobbies and meeting up with a friend or hobby group once a week, that alone will do you some good. I know you said you cannot talk to him, but it may be worth being blunt and telling him how you feel & what you’ve noticed in order to ask precisely what changed.

I think if he gets aggressive and isn’t interested, you should write him a letter. Make sure he reads it when you’re not with him. Keep the letter short, he may also be feeling the same way about your relationship. Don’t have a go at him in the letter, and watch your tone, as he’s likely to become defensive. You need to ask if everything is okay between you both. Maybe suggest you take a holiday away and get back into hobbies of your own or together.... badminton, get a dog and walk it.... wine club etc.
Don’t presume and become more distant. Find out and let him know how you feel. He might miss the way things were too. Good luck.