DH is great in many ways - kind, considerate, polite. He is a very well liked man.
He has an issue with what he sees as criticism from me (only me, no one else). In feel he is obsessed and takes so many things as criticisms when they just aren't, or he gets offended if I'm critical but I feel I'm justified in being so. Most of these things pertain to every day things - washing up, recycling etc etc. I get tired of repeating the same things like x can be recycled or please scrape out dishes before you 'leave them to soak'.
He has an exhausting tendency to over analyse conversations. So when I am trying to open communication we end up in circles within circles often discussing who said what first. I often say that I feel like I am on trial because I have to prove i'm right - 'no, I only said x because you came in and said y, not the other way around'. Its exhausting and I feel it gets away from whatever the original bloody issue was. He says he just forgets things, I feel like he deliberately confuses things to make himself sound better.
Our relationship has worsened since the birth of our son. DH is very relaxed whereas I am careful (perhaps i am too careful sometimes, I'm happy to admit that). Yesterday was a good example and i just dont know how to feel about it:
DH was getting ready for work while DS was.with him. I had left the room to get dressed. DS was in the en suite with DH. I had moved the toilet brush up out of the way but you had to move it to open a cupboard. I heard DS cry for about 10 seconds so.i assumed he had just bumped his head on a toy (common occurrence).
I went in and DH said 'the toilet brush fell on him'. We quickly ascertained that actually DH opened the cupboard door and knocked it off. DH said he thought DS might have a bit of bleach on his hands so he had washed them. It took me about 5 seconds to see that actually DS had bleach all down his vest as it had discoloured and he stank of the stuff. I stripped him and bathed him. DH immediately went on the defensive- he didnt check DS was ok or apologise for not noticing, but it was 'why was it there' etc etc. I called him names which I feel bad about. But i just dont understand his reactions. If he had appeared concerned and apologised it would have been different, but the go-to is defence.
Only when i showed him the vest did he register that it was potentially very dangerous. I called 111. Thankfully he hadn't ingested any and DS is fine.
I'm sick of the same conversations. I'm sick of automatic defensiveness and having to prove and explain myself constantly. I feel like he is becoming more and more of a know it all.
But then he would probably say I am just having a go at him all the time.
I dont know whether I'm overreacting or actually this isnt great. But I do know that everytime it happens I love him a little less.