Separation

[Di669]

I found out that my h was having an affair in April and it has been going on for 7 month,he admitted to it and finished it,we have been trying to move forward but we kept arguing and after 7 weeks he couldn't take anymore and left and went straight to the ow and her 4 children.A month on and I'm getting stronger everyday but it's still raw as we have been together for 23 years.

Just keep going. When he tries to get back, don't let him.
Get yourself legal advice.

Good for you - dont take him back as it inevitably wont work with the ow. Just take it as it comes and dont think too far ahead as its too overwhelming. Be kind to yourself x

I have made him take all his belongings and we have sorted finances out,and I did ask him to come back a few weeks ago but he declined and said he is happier but not really happy,I don't understand what that means,he said he loves her and used to love me and our marriage was over a long time ago,why didn't I know this.The mortgage is being paid by him and were the finances are concerned he has agreed to everything I have asked for, could this be a midlife crisis.

Sorry to hear your situation. I always thought midlife crises were a myth but after my husband (40) had an affair with a women 12 years his junior and trying his best to actually be 12 years younger himself in the process has made me change my mind.

We separated 18 months ago when I discovered the affair and he is still with her now so I'm not going to say 'it won't last' or 'he'll come running back' because sometimes it does last and they don't come back. I wouldn't have taken him back anyway as the damage had already been done and he knew this so maybe that's why they are still together. Maybe he just fell out of love with me and in love with her...it happens. My point is, if it's really over then dwelling of 'couldn't have been's' won't help you move forward.

I don't know if yo have children together but if you do, focus on them and on being the best parents you can be to them. I hate what my ex did to us and our family but I put that to one side when it comes to the children because they didn't ask for any of this and they are more important than my bitterness or anger towards their dad.

It will take time...you spent many years with this man and your lives will be tightly tangled together while you being to slowly separate them. go easy on yourself and if you think counselling might help, get referred (or self refer, which is what I did).

Best of luck...it does get easier, I promise.

4 years ago my beloved man hit 50, he bought a £50,000 jaguar, joined a new gym, lost weight and changed his look. Within 6 weeks of joining the new gym he met a much younger woman and left me for her. I was devastated. It had all the hallmarks of a midlife crisis. I was desperate to take him back, but the thing I did was I let him go. I have not laid eyes on him for 4 years since the day he told me he was leaving. What has happened since then are a ton of emails from him asking to come back (but still with her). I would have had him back if I had not stayed away and strong. He hurt me and my daughter and I am so glad I didn't have him back. My life is great now. What I am trying to say is, yes, it might be a mid life crisis but that does not stop the pain you are going through. Your husband probably never finished the affair but just lied to you to have her on the back burner just in case it didn't work with you. Let him be. Leave him with the concequences of his actions. The grass in NOT greener on the other side . Stay strong and work through your grief and move on x