Experience in a refuge?

[PurpleStripes]

Does anybody have first or second hand experience of life in a refuge?
I'm almost certain that this is my only option and plan on contacting them tomorrow/Thursday. I've read every single scrap of information on several websites but I'd really like to know the nitty gritty.
For example; how much does the rent cost? Are they really as supportive as they say? Will my DS be comfortable? Can he take his Xbox (I know I know)?
I have a thousand questions but mostly would like reassurance.

Bumping for the evening crowd

I don't but responding so it stays active. Good luck op.

The rent is very expensive but heavily subsidised by housing benefit, (even if you work) which they help you to apply for as soon as you move in.

There wasn’t much provided. I had to provide cups/glasses/plates/cutlery/towels/bedding/toiletries/food etc.
But a lady arrived whilst I was there with just the clothes she was wearing, and they sorted all that for her, it just took a bit of time.

There are rules around visitors etc which will all be explained.

I’m sure the Xbox will be allowed.

The refuge I have experienced had self contained ‘flats’ rather than just rooms.
With shared communal spaces but no pressure to use those.

The staff were extremely helpful and knowledgeable.

Good luck OP

My friend works in a refuge. Can't speak for all but they are very supportive there - can make phone calls on your behalf & help with paperwork etc. Rent I believe is about £60 a week & yes you can take what you like with you. Good luck OP xx

Should add this is a charity run refuge and outside of London. Can't speak for elsewhere x

@PurpleStripes see
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant

the sticky at the top of this page

I spent three months in a refuge, in the late nineties. The staff were friendly and very helpful with legal stuff. They arranged appointments for me to find housing and apply for benefits as a lone parent. Rent at the refuge was covered in full by housing benefit.

The place was clean and comfortable, the cleaning was done on a rota by the women living there. The kitchen and bathrooms were shared. Crockery, cutlery, cookware and bed linen were provided. The rooms were furnished with comfy beds and plenty of storage space. There was a playroom with toys for the children and a TV lounge.

You can take whatever personal possesions you have with you. If a woman turned up with nothing but the clothes on her back the refuge had a stock of donated clothes for her and any children she had with her to wear. The residents would often cook a meal or donate some food for a day or so until she was on her feet.

For the first couple of days after I arrived, the other women were a bit wary. We gradually began to get to know each other and some of them became close friends. I am still in contact with three of them now. Being there was such a relief compared to the emotional and physical abused I had been suffering. I don't regret my decision to go there at all.

Good luck OP. I used to do some work in one and it was a very safe and supportive environment. Children seemed really happy and comfortable there.

A WA refuge in the late 80s saved my life with support, lawyers, help with getting a HA house and the people I lived with there were amazing! All in the same boat and helped each other lots. Actually have fond memories and still in touch with one of them!

I was in one six years ago, everything provided, shared kitchen with cleaning rota, staff were great. There was a creche for young children, a garden, they took us on outings sometimes.
Rent was £15 a week, we had to claim housing benefit.
Saved my life.
A friend was in one in a different city last year and they had self contained flats

I stayed in one for several weeks.

We didn’t have an Xbox or similar then so not sure about that.

They weren’t UNsupportive, but the staff just hadn’t the time to deal with everything. I always mention that I got there on a Friday - just as they all went home from the weekend! I had presumed there would always be someone there “on a desk” but they went home at 5pm.

All bedding, towels etc were provided (like a self catering flat).

I can’t remrmber the rent but it crippled me as I was paying the mortgage on my house at the same time (my ex would not and still does not work).

The other ladies were ok but someone stole absolutely everything that wasn’t bolted down. So keep your food locked in your room.

Thank you all for sharing, I know it's not always a time people reflect on positively.

I'm still so apprehensive. I read elsewhere that if you're worried about going into a refuge then you don't deserve to be there because it can't be that bad. I wish it were that simple 😔

I went into one with no shoes on and ripped clothing and no possessions. I was really worried as it was in a very rough area but it was fine and the other women were lovely.