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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner referring to ex as "dearest" in email

23 replies

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 16:52

I saw an email from my partner in which he referred to his ex girlfriend as "dearest" (the email was for her). She lives in America (we are in the UK).

We have been together 10 years and he was her before that for several years.

I honestly don't know what to make of it and haven't asked him as he doesn't know I saw.

We have 2 children and he always seems very devoted to me but now I don't know what to think.

OP posts:

pikapikachu · 02/07/2019 16:56

Could it be an autocorrect of "dear"? So Dearest Katie instead of Dear Katie sort of thing?

PetrichorRain · 02/07/2019 16:57

What was the context? What was the rest of the email like? How is their relationship generally? Tbh, if she’s in the the US and you’re in the UK, and you’ve been with him for 10 years, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

I’m very happily married but I dated a guy at uni and after, and even went travelling with him. We’re not in touch now, but if we were, I can definitely seem me emailing “blah blah dearest Dave blah blah” without it meaning anything other than a residual affection from 20 years ago. But equally if I only just got back in touch with him on Facebook and we had started flirting, it probably would have more significance.

Original poster

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 16:58

I don't think it's an autocorrect. He was very much in love with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 16:59

They haven't been in touch (as far as I know!) and by the sounds of the email they have just got back in touch.

OP posts:

pikapikachu · 02/07/2019 17:03

Is he the type to add lots of x and gushy words like hun to people other than you? I have male friends who are happily married but quite gushy on text.

Original poster

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 17:06

pika - no, not at all.

But maybe I'm reading into it too much...?

OP posts:

Daffodil2018 · 02/07/2019 17:07

Is it in character? I know if my DH did that alarm bells would be jangling because he's not the type to ever say that to anyone. But maybe yours is more affectionate generally?

SparklyMagpie · 02/07/2019 17:08

I personally don't see the issue with using "dearest"

I've heard a lot worse

Original poster

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 17:20

Ok, I'm probably overreacting.

OP posts:

dillusionaldog · 02/07/2019 17:22

i would be more bothered that hes using the word dearest. hes not mr darcy for fuck sake. LTB

HungryForSnacks · 02/07/2019 17:22

Sounds like he's being sarcastic to me!!

TheStuffedPenguin · 02/07/2019 17:28

Was it 'Dearest NAME" ?

Original poster

mumchuks · 02/07/2019 17:32

Penguin, yes it was.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2019 17:36

Was there anything suspicious about the rest of the email? Did he show you or did you find it?

TheStuffedPenguin · 02/07/2019 17:41

In that case I think it's OK ...

SapatSea · 02/07/2019 19:33

It would depend what in wrote in the body of the text. Lots of reminising and compliments would be a red flag

womaninthedark · 02/07/2019 19:37

'Dearest' is a very affectionate term. I wouldn't use it outside the family or a romantic relationship. You are not over-reacting.

HypatiaCade · 02/07/2019 19:43

Have you posted about this before? The situation sounds familiar.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 02/07/2019 19:51

My brother recently sent an email to his Ex wife addressing her as Dearest XX (asking her professional advice on something.) I was copied in on it and so was my other sibling, so I don't think he'd have copied us in if anything romantic was intended. They remain on good terms, but she's married again and he has a long term partner, so it just indicated they are still friends. I thought it was quite sweet. Unless you have anything else to be suspicious about I don't think the word 'dearest' in itself is a red flag.

iklboo · 02/07/2019 19:55

I use 'dearest' as a PA pisstake.

CaptainCabinets · 02/07/2019 22:51

I would use ‘dearest’ when speaking to a person as far from dear to me as could be.

Whereissummerthisyear · 03/07/2019 07:18

I’d be concerned that they had got back in touch in the first place. Why is that? What are the emails about? Not sure about ‘dearest’ but it sounds very old fashioned.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 03/07/2019 07:22

Never mind dearest, why are they in touch again all of a sudden??

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