Would you attend your graduation because your mum wants you to and if the course impacted on my own mental health.

[Leapoffaith00]

That the only reason you completed a course in mental health is because you thought it was the right thing to do and you wanted
Qualified as a mental health nurse in March. I studied for 2 years to gain a foundation degree and then 3 years to gain a degree in nursing. It was the hardest thing I have ever done whilst bringing up my dc's as a single parent.
I hated every minute of it. I kept going as it was too late to change my mind (mature student). Every placement I would think, this is the one I will feel some kind of desire to work within it. Never did!! It made me realise why I was doing it and that was because I was trying to please other people.
It's over now! I can't even apply for jobs as it makes me anxious just thinking about it.
I continued with the degree to prove to myself (or was it) that I could complete something. I could over come challenges. Part of me knows I kept going because of ego. Proving I could be something/someone. I had a not so nice childhood where my step father would tell me I wouldn't amount to much, I am lazy, I wasn't allowed to visit home when I left at 17, he made me think I was useless. So I know why I kept going even though working in mental health impacted on my own. Now - I graduate next week. The cap and gown kept me going. But.....I'm not happy. I didn't get a feeling that I thought I would. I feel nothing. I actually feel worse as now I feel shame that I'm not going to use my degree. Do I go? Just for a photo in my cap and gown. What does this really prove? My mum thinks I should go as its an achievement. I don't feel it. I feel like it was a huge mistake. Will I regret it not going?

There are lots of jobs for which a nursing degree would stand you in good stead: you don't have to commit to a mental health role if you don't want to.
The graduation is just a ceremony. If it bothers you don't go. Your degree is an achievement even if it hasn't got you where you wanted to be: it's a testament to your sticking power and tenacity. Well done. Your Mum is justifiably proud but if you don't feel the need for a cap and gown picture then don't worry about it.

Hi, what's your gut feeling about the graduation ceremony and what do your child/ren think?

Even though you a lot of mixed feelings about your Degree OP... this has been a massive achievement for you!
I congratulate for having succeeded and pushed yourself even though you hated what you were doing.
A lot of people would have given up.

It shows an immense strength of character on your part that you have achieved this. I think you should definitely think about going to the Graduation...you have worked bloody hard for it and deserve the recognition!
Many people do degrees and never end up working in the field they studied.
Do you have any ideas of jobs that you would really like to do that are unrelated to MH/nursing?

I remember a lot of your posts over the years and I think graduating is an amazing achievement for you, well done. Why you should feel shame, I don't know. Degrees were never meant to be purely vocational steps, they are part of developing your mind and character. It worked, probably way more than you realise at present.
As far as the ceremony is concerned, I think they are actually more for others than for your benefit. It's true of a lot of ceremonies. Are your children/child old enough to understand anything? If so I would do it for them and possibly your mother if you are good terms (though why you should be after being such a shit man into your life as step father, I don't know).

I don’t know if you should go or not, but I do think you need to get your mental health sorted. Are you seeing anyone for help right now?

Thankyou everyone for your messages and kind words, it means alot. Yes, I have posted throughout and I found great support here on MN. Always appreciate it. It'shard sometimes being a single parent with nowhere to turn. I'm grateful.
I'm not seeking any help right now - just trying not to be too hard on myself. Seeking employment to pay the bills.
I know I need to be well but I feel so much pressure right now. I feel a bit stuck.

Even if you choose not to use the degree the graduation ceremony is to celebrate your achievements in passing your degree. You worked harder than most to do this and you should celebrate your efforts. It won't be a wasted effort firstly it proves what you can do if you set your mind to it and shows you have good academic ability, secondly you may be able to use this qualification as a starting point to a different career that suits better than nursing.
So I think you should go to celebrate your accomplishments and look on it as a time to start making a plan on how to use your degree to find a career you really like.

My parents made me go to my first graduation. I didn’t enjoy university and I’ve never been so bored as in those 4 hours of watching strangers shake hands.

I didn’t go to my second one.

I think it's really impressive that you have passed your exams despite not even liking it. I know several people who completed a degree only to go on and study a totally different, unrelated subject. One even studied three very different things. It's all useful experience and a good way of exercising your brain, even if you don't use your degree for exactly its original purpose.

How would you feel if you don't go? I didn't go to my graduation ceremony and I only regret not having a nice photo to show off :D but otherwise it's not that big a deal. Would your mum like a photo? Would you like to make your mum pleased even if it requires fake smiles? Or is it not such a big deal to her / are you not keen on pandering to your mum?

I've just replied to your other thread where I said yes, do it. Get it out of the way and move on.

I’d go to show the children the results of hard work. Then I’d throw everything into finding a job with your degree you do actually like. I certainly wouldn’t waste it as there are children to support and presumably student loans to be paid back.

I too think it might be nice to go with the kids to celebrate you amazing achievement and to show them what you can do despite life being hard.

Congratulations

I never went to mine as a mature student 28 at the time I could not see the need. Funny enough my farther who bitterly and angrily said I would never finish it as I never finished anything when I said I was going to University was keen to go because I was the first member of the family to graduate, obviously I never felt the need to take him.

The stakes are really low for this decision - go or don't go. It's not that one is right and the other is wrong. I don't mean that to sound dismissive - I just mean that it's not wasting much angst over. I went along to mine partly because I hadn't twigged that it was optional. I may have vaguely assumed that I wouldn't get my degree certificate if I wasn't there on the day.

No harm going along for the sake of closure, but have low expectations. It's a bit like the waiting around part of a wedding only with even more photography and few drunken uncles.

You absolutely don't have to work in MH nursing now. Make a list of all the transferable skills you've attained (if you find it hard to acknowledge this in yourself, treat it like you're writing about a different person in this situation). You've demonstrated intelligence, determination, analytical skills, teamwork, time-keeping etc etc. I now you're not feeling it right now, but try to give yourself at least a little pat on the back. I'm proud of you even if you're not proud of yourself!

Oh thankyou all so so much. Reading these comments have helped me feel less alone. Being left alone with your own thoughts can escalate into something quite unhelpful. I really appreciate everyone's comments and kind words.
Not sure why I'm making a big deal over it - it probably isn't worth the head space but for some reason it's played a huge part in making me feel pretty rubbish a d I'm trying to put it all behind me, finding a positive to all of this. This thread has helped me!

There may be a bit of displacement anxiety going on - the bigger, scarier thing is your future career, and your brain protects you by focusing on the smaller question of whether to go along to graduation or not.

Hi OP. I am in a similar position, I'm just finishing an MA which I hate, I realise that I have been doing it for other people, and my heart really hasn't been in it. It's a horrible feeling. Assuming I pass, i don't know if I will bother going to the graduation. I really think it's up to you if you want to go, I used to work in a Uni and it always seemed to me that parents got more out of graduation than a lot of the students!

Cap and gown ceremonies are really boring. Constant bloody clapping. You've still passed whether you attend the ceremony or not. If you are sure you don't want to go, then don't go. Don't go just because your family want you to. Your MH is far more important.

I still regret attending my graduation over 20 years ago. My parents enjoyed it. I hated every second and just wanted to hide away from everyone.

Completing your degree is an amazing achievement. I'm very proud of mine; you should be very proud of yours. You don't need a photo of you in a borrowed cap and gown to tell you this. That's what the degree certificate is for!

And if you don't end up working in your degree field - that's OK. (I don't, and never have). My dad always said that no education is ever wasted, and I believe that 100%.