How to end 'nice boring' relationship?

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It's not always that nice but my dp is not abusive in any way, then I'd know what to do. As it is- we're a family, we get on as friends, we've built a life over many years.
BUT... there's minimal sex, he won't discuss sex, he's not keen on me giving feedback during sex, our lives revolve around his job, I make my p/t job fit in around his job and school, as he often has to go away for work. My choice but then that means my career has stalled. And I feel he has always put his job before myself.
The emotional effort and fun in our relationship has mainly been instigated by me. And I do the graft and iniate talks/counselling when things have gone downhill. And after many years I'm done.

I've just run out of energy (menopause!!!) But it's hard to instigate end when he will make it difficult for me. But I crave intimacy. And sex. And figuring out what I want in life, when I'm not around his moods/anxiety. Yes, his job would still dominate my timetable. But I'd have mental space. But breaking up my family and living with the guilt. That's hard. And financial suicide. He probably would make me leave home.

But as I said my energy has just gone. He's not a shit but I don't want to simply get by anymore. Please any advice????????

Think long and hard about this.
My ex left me for a younger man and seems blissfully happy
Ive been devastated and not really recovered yet 4 years later
Can you fix it / make it work ?
If you leave could you cope emotionally on your own ?

Thanks. I'm sorry to hear that you're still devestated. The thing is in my case I have over many years been trying to make it work, and he seems happy to coast on my effort whilst prioritising himself/his work. But yes, I'm thinking really seriously at the moment. There are no easy answers. Emotionally, yes, I could cope, I don't have much of a support network but I'm at a mentally strong point in my life. When I was younger no and in the future possibly no again as I may never feel this strong again.
Financially, a different matter.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.....single dating 30 years old + is not fun, believe me!! I would love to meet a nice guy with a good job. Trust me, there are a lot of arseholes out there with the nice guys few and far between.

Do you have children together?

Don't stay because of him, but do talk to him about your feelings and what will happen if things stay the same.

As you're not married, it looks like you'll have to plan your exit carefully. But it's doable. And it's not a good sign if he takes you for granted because he earns more.

Sorry, missed the bit about previous counselling.

Start on your leaving plan, then.
At the very least you'll be in a stronger position to demand and maintain change.

Have you looked at your finances? Worked out what child support (if you have shared DC) he would be expected to pay? Worked out whether you would be entitled to any benefits? Looked at maximising your earning potential by retraining or gaining qualifications? I would suggest looking into that and then making a plan to leave in X months, having saved as much as possible and put yourself in the best place you can financially.

Stillstrawberrywater- I'd be dating 40s+ And no, I don't doubt there are arseholes out there. I keep thinking about the grass etc But I've been here for a few years. And nothings shifts dramatically. I'd be happier with a nice guy, p/t job who thought the relationship was worth some effort and priority.
Lweji - I've done talk and feelings to death!! That's why I feel at a loss now.
Yes, we've a ds, hence the guilt.....
Breatlessness- I keep thinking about finances and how I can work more. I like what I do work wise, I'm going to add another training element in a few months - it's more the p/t element so I can do school pick ups/school holidays and the fact I'm only now focusing on my job. I think if one of us moved out any child support would go on accomodation. But yes, I keep thinking about finances.

If you work part time maybe you could meet someone for a hook up to add some fun in your life

I hope it works out for you.and you find what you’re looking for.

Sometimes the boring ones are the better ones! Mr Reliable is better than the potential heartbreaker you may find yourself falling for!

I know relationships get stale but they can offer stability. More importantly, your family deserve stability. If that's what they've got, don't go along and ruin it because you're bored and lacking sex.

It's down to you to make your life exciting, and that includes your career and your sex life. (I'm not saying to have an affair, by the way.)

Have you had a frank conversation about wanting him to step up the childcare responsibilities so it's shared more equally?

And or, look into wrap around care so you can focus on your job as he does.

Make it plain to him this is what you want and you expect him to support you, end of story.

Move to full time if you can, particularly if you don't have an equal share of the house, or savings, and you are not married.
He can pay his fair share (proportional to salary) for childcare outside of school (including holidays).

Otherwise, you're digging yourself into a hole while supporting him getting out of it.

If he does want a family, and family life, he should ensure a fair distribution of wealth and work. If he doesn't do the work, then you shouldn't lose out.

Don't be a martyr for a man you think will kick you out of his house if you decide to end the relationship.