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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think i'm going crazy... literally

34 replies

namechangefordays · 02/07/2019 10:26

how pathetic is this?
My DP thinks i'm cheating on him, we live in a flat with neighbors under us, We have a communal garden that the 4 of our flats share. underneath there is a man around 45 his girlfriend and children. I have always got on with her talking to her in the garden etc. we used to share worries of our anxieties as she had previous PTSD. anyway her fella he's alright never really had a conversation with him he played football sometimes with my DS last summer in our garden, all is well.

Well since my partner started thinking i was either cheating on him or having an online affair, he thinks i get people to watch him, i don't know why maybe because we have a lot of nosy neighbors who look out of windows when you go out or whatever. So I've been accused of having an affair with this poor woman's fella (they don't know this) i fight my corner and tell him hes being stupid baring in mind he is about 45 with very long grey hair and i'm 25! (nothing wrong with that if that's your type).

I don't know where he has got this idea from but he says they watch him when he goes in the garden, every time he goes out he says they run to the window to watch him (he thinks his girlfriends somehow involved in this too), they drink alcohol quite a lot downstairs and put bottles in the outside bin, my DP thinks this is to let me know something because they made a loud bang.

I wouldn't say their noisy neighbors they've got a toddler so you hear banging daily like i imagine shes banging toys etc. it doesn't bother me but it gets my DP really annoyed because he thinks its the man banging on their roof to me to sign something to me.

Last night my DP went in the garden and said that both him and her ran through the kitchen to their back door to just watch what he was doing while they was smoking.

He was already mad and throwing accusations at me checking my phone and doing his patronizing little laugh as if to say i know you've been on your phone (i hadn't).

About 10pm he took our plastic recycle bin down to the garden and tipped it into the bin really loud. Half an hour later he was going on saying there's grass in his sock draw so i must be using his socks to go in the garden when hes asleep.

Then he put the washing machine on 1200 spin which we never do. it was really loud i couldn't hear the tele and he said lets see if they like that i'm putting it on again when its done (he didn't)
A while later i said i'm going to bed. he looked out of the window and said haha i told you you'd go to bed when their kitchen lights gone off (this is a different person across the road i wouldn't even recognize if i passed in the street , oh and a lesbian!) i said it was inevitable that they would turn their kitchen light off 2 hours after you said it so that's not fair. i got in bed tried to sleep heart pounding.
He was back and fourth about 4 times looking out of the bedroom window. turned the big light on once just to go in the bedroom draw to say got your chargers all ready there (they were charging plugs i didn't even know where there but he obviously did) then he took the charging plugs and went away. i went to sleep eventually.
This morning i woke him up to take me to work after i'd got up with DS made packed lunches, got us ready and took him to school (same routine every day) and he is fine and dandy, everything was back to normal and he was smiling and talking normal. This happens every single day not the same man or situation but its always around something else to do with me cheating. is he a physco or something? if i cry he asks me whats up? how can he not know and why does he expect me to follow his good mood every morning and why the hell do i? i feel like its easier to have half the day at least smiling until something happens.

My child is literally the person i live and breathe for and i feel like such a bad mum at the moment like i'm failing him.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/07/2019 11:49

If he threatens suicide again call 999.

But you cannot stay with your son while he is displaying these behaviours. I worry that you are not safe. Please go to your Mum's.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/07/2019 11:59

Also think about this - he can't function unless he has his son every single day?

How is he going to be when his son is older and needs to go to nursery? Is he going to stalk the nursery? His control issues won't then just extend to you, but to your DC. I'm sure you don't want that for your child.

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2019 12:05

I also immediately thought drugs or a mental illness that presents partly as paranoia and delusions.

For whatever reason he's ill. And it sounds like more than anxiety and depression. Can you get him to see a doctor again? Or can you explain to his doctor his behavuour?

madcatladyforever · 02/07/2019 12:13

My first husband exhibited this paranoid behaviour - he said once I was an agent sent in by the government to spy on him (unlikely as he is totally indisnificant).
Unfortunately this then led to him attacking me on a regular basis.
I'd be extremely concerned if I were you.

Apileofballyhoo · 02/07/2019 12:17

Cannabis has made him very mentally unwell. You need to get out of there. His choices are his choices. You are not responsible for him but you are responsible for your child.

beerandpopcorn · 02/07/2019 12:54

Op
I don't know if anyone has asked this yet... but are his parents aware of all this?

namechangefordays · 02/07/2019 14:40

sorry for the late reply everyone, @beerandpopcorn his mum and dad are aware of this, i actually told his mum when my DP accused me of having an affair with his dad because it didn't feel right having to face them without at least telling her, she just laughed because she knows its bull... I can speak openly to DP's mum as she understands because her husband (DP's dad) has always been similar he doesn't treat her well and she took an overdose last year but is still living it. We have spoken about even moving house together but she is way past the point of getting courage to leave so its all on me, she tells me i shouldn't be with him but she knows how hard it is because shes seen the states he gets in when hes 'on one', i feel like i have a weird phobia of the police i'm so scared to ring them because ringing them will aggravate him so if they let him go and don't believe me i'm stuck with the aftermath.

OP posts:
namechangefordays · 02/07/2019 14:44

His mum and dad live next door but one by the way. I had to ring his mum one night because he was on one and went to crash his car, his mum had to stand in front of his car and then he just came home and told his mum and dad i was pulling the wool over everyone's eyes etc, i was shaking crying and he wasn't bothered, his mum and dad tried their best to get him to sleep at their house but he wouldn't so his mum ended up sleeping at our house for the night before we went to a&e the next morning, that was when they said its severe anxiety leading to paranoid thoughts

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 02/07/2019 17:31

He's got deeper issues than just anxiety and depression.
He sounds like he's got psychosis and it's escalating.
My ex was like this - partly due to his psychosis and partly because he was an abusive person anyway and he'd use any excuse to try and isolate me from people.

He's dangerous OP.
Protect yourself and your dc.

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