Can anyone talk with me? Pregnant and not sure if I want to be

[Newname908]

Dh had a vasectomy a while back so this has come as a shock, something obviously slipped through the net so to speak.
We already have 2 dc, one of which has SN and is more than a handful. He pushes us to our limits with patience and we already struggle with him.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks how lovely, I love babies.
The other part knows only too well the reality of adding more children to the mix.

Logically I think it would be for the best I have an abortion, but that also makes me feel so sad.
I don’t know what to do. I’m worried about having an abortion and regretting it when it’s too late.
Also, what’s it like to have one? Are they painful? I’m not sure how far I am. I had spotting in place of my period a couple of weeks ago but tbh I’m shit at keeping track of them. I know the period before that was a proper one.

Someone talk to me I’m panicking

Have you spoken to your DP?
What an awful situation to be in, I feel for you.
I had an abortion many years ago. Early enough to be just the abortive pill.
A bit of cramping. Some bleeding. Nothing more really so uncomfortable rather than painful.
I can't really answer for you.
If you make the initial appointment, don't they give you a week to think it through?
I am suggesting this for practical reasons, if you are worried about leaving it too long etc and if you want to make a decision ASAP.
I know in my case it just had to happen. I didn't hesitate. But my situation was very different.
And I don't think women always regret that decision. I don't, and I know plenty of women who don't.
Again, you shouldn't be on your own in this. You need your DP's support.

Awwwh. You must be worried sick. Best thing to do is to go to the doctors, have it confirmed and speak though your options after that.

It's not painful having an abortion no. The non surgical one consists of 2 pills. One to soften and open the cervix and the next day you take one which brings on cramping and you pass through naturally. Like a heavy period. Surgical you're put to sleep and it's removed via vacuum suction. It's not particularly painful either. You're a day patient and release as few hours after.

Will they have to do a scan to see how far I am what with me not being sure on dates? I wish I’d kept track now I know it was about 2 weeks ago I had the spotting in place of period, so if we count that as a missed period how far would that make me?
In fact I think I will go buy one of those fancy ones that give an idea of weeks.

Honestly love, make yourself a GP appointment. Same as you normally would after finding out your expecting. They make you an appointment at the hospital, you will have a scan to tell you how far etc before they plan anything else with you. You're not obliged to go ahead with the abortion if you change your mind at all. You have until the moment the first pill is given or the suppository to soften your cervix if having surgery is inserted to change your mind. By that time you'll be sure what you want to do. I've had 2, surgical and non. I was really, really sure what I wanted. I was still sad though and still upset. But I knew deep down that I couldn't bring these babies into the world.

Sounds like 6 weeks... I think.

I've also never regretted it.

This is your life as well
Look at what you have now, will you be able to cope with the changes, or do you already feel it is too much?

I’m feeling like I’m getting to a good place now MH wise but I was really struggling before, felt very overwhelmed by my children. What if it was another child with SN? I don’t think we could cope.

I’ve booked in with family planning clinic in case I do want to abort, would rather it was done sooner rather than later. It’s just shit.

Aww bless you. Do not waste your money on those tests that tell you how far ahead you are. They are not reliable AT ALL so will only confuse you further.
I completely understand why you want to get it done sooner rather than later.

How far along, sorry.
Family planning is a good step.
They should be able to advise you and support you as well, whatever you decide.

The lady on the phone said they will scan at the appointment anyway. I’ll have to look away, think that would be too real.
Argh I’m just so conflicted.

Two medical professionals need to sign off to say you're making the decision of your own accord etc anyway - they won't just do it on the day, so you have plenty of time.

At a family planning clinic they also have to check how far gone you are as certain methods only work up to a certain point in the pregnancy.

While babies are lovely, could you cope with another SN child in your current situation? Could you cope emotionally and financially if you and DP split?
Only you can make your decision, just some things to consider.

Also, no, the surgical option doesn't hurt. You just get a very heavy bleeding afterwards for a few day, like PP bleeding I guess but doesn't last anywhere near as long.

Sorry you're having to make this decision Op x

They won't show you the scan screen while they do it and they'll be sensitive about how much they tell you if they know you're having a termination eg they won't refer to it as a baby etc