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Relationships

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Original poster

he wants to move again to try save his financial position but I think its too late

19 replies

melj22 · 01/07/2019 22:28

so in the past year we have relocated 4 times to try and get full time consistent contracting work for my partner who is a self employed flooring installer. Over this year we have been getting further into debt as we still haven't been able to get the work and moving is a big cost in itself. Now my partner wants to move again and is convinced this new town/new work will fix everything - I think he is too far in debt and he should pull the pin - go insolvent and get a wage job and we can stay where we are. I am pregnant with baby number 2 and we have a 2 year old and myself and my son are happy and settled where we are. New town is not somewhere I want to live and I will have no support there and he would be working ridiculous hours. There is a small chance if everything worked out that he might be able to trade out of his financial mess if we moved, but he thought that about the last 4 moves too... He just will not consider what I have suggested - won't compromise at all. I don't know what to do - I just sold my engagement ring to put food on the table this week :-( Do I move again and hope it works out, do I leave him because I can't deal with the stress anymore and he won't listen to me?? I feel that its not fair he keeps making these decisions on his own but I have to deal with the consequences.

OP posts:

category12 · 01/07/2019 22:32

I'd let him go and stay put yourself.

Hanab · 01/07/2019 22:38

In my opinion he should move and find a stable job .. If you are getting financial help elsewhere perhaps it would be better to stay put .. your child needs stability and if you feel settled it will be easier with baby2 .. I think you DP needs to see the bigger picture ..

He has to provide for his kids ..

And maybe for now instead of in-curing more debt he should get a regular paying job and build his clientele over time to become self employed eventually

Original poster

melj22 · 01/07/2019 22:55

frustrating thing is if he won't stay I have to move anyway - whether its with him or to my parents - I can't afford the living costs where we are on my own :-(

OP posts:

SavingSpaces2019 · 01/07/2019 23:03

We're only 7 months in and you've moved 4 times already?! With a child AND pregnant?!
You've not seen a return on the investment of moving each time, you've just sold your engagement ring to feed your family.....what is it going to take for you to realise he doesn't give a shit about you or his dc?
He should have got a waged job as soon as your savings started running low.

Tell him to either get a proper job and be a proper partner and dad - or fuck off.
You will do a much better job of raising your family by yourself.

Quartz2208 · 01/07/2019 23:04

Leave him

category12 · 01/07/2019 23:14

Parents are a better bet.

FuriousVexation · 01/07/2019 23:14

I am pregnant with baby number 2 and we have a 2 year old and myself and my son

Oh ffs. Please god let you have a job

CTRL · 01/07/2019 23:19

Personally he would have to go alone if it was me. He can’t keep making these drastic decisions and keep expecting you and your son to be ok every time you have to uproot and start somewhere else. It’s not fair

If he cares about his family he would bite the bullet and take an employed job until his sorted out plan B.

notapizzaeater · 01/07/2019 23:22

Why won't he take an employed job ?

Original poster

melj22 · 01/07/2019 23:28

He thinks we will be worse off if he takes a waged job as the weekly income will be a lot less than the potential income from full time contracting work. But in my opinion stable income and set expenses is what we need - we aren't in a position to ride the waves of contracting income and expenses which are completely variable and for the past 18months have not worked in our favour at all - we have no savings or working capital - he just has a huge mountain of debt.

OP posts:

Musti · 01/07/2019 23:36

He needs to stay in one place and build a business and reputation. Do some marketing - Facebook- some ads, videos and reviews. Put some leaflets through doors. Set up contacts with floor suppliers - network. If he keeps moving, he will never build his reputation!

ChimesAtMidnight · 01/07/2019 23:39

He needs to wake up and smell the coffee. If he truly believes that potential income is worth more than real, actual income when having a young family to consider then he’s living in cloud cuckoo land.

Bookworm4 · 01/07/2019 23:40

Most contractors work away in the week or for duration of contract they don’t drag their family all over the place. You need to stand firm on this, it’s no life for you or your child.

dragonway · 02/07/2019 02:25

It doesn’t make sense to keep moving. He should go alone if he’s insistent although I’d say he should stay and get a waged job

fia101 · 02/07/2019 06:56

Can't he get a paid job and also do the floor fitting in the evenings and weekends if jobs come up? I know plumbers and electricians who have a paid job during the week but work in their own for small various jobs outside of that.

He could build up a reputation for his floor fitting that way.

Is it that he loves floor fitting or being his own boss?

Unfortunately some people just aren't cut out to be self employed - it takes a lot infinitive and marketing of yourself, sheer hard graft and business acumen to deal with cash flow and quiet times. I couldn't do it. I couldn't take the stress.

funnylittlefloozie · 02/07/2019 07:00

My exH was in a similar position - worked on contracts, so when the money was good, it was GOOD, but it was so erratic. Plus, he spent like a drunken sailor, which again was ok when he was working and earning, but terrifying when he wasnt. We never had to move house, but i hated constantly holding my breath as i put my PIN in at Tesco, to see if i could pay for the weekly shop or not...

In the end, i got my own job and got rid of him, and am financially (and emotionally) much better off. As someone who has been exactly where you are, i would say, walk away. It will never get better until YOU make it better.

another20 · 02/07/2019 07:02

How can you move 5 times in one year? Are tenancies not a minimum of 3 months?

What has caused the debt?

Shoxfordian · 02/07/2019 07:45

He needs to start earning regular money to support you and the children. Do you work as well? How long has he been in this difficult financial position?

stucknoue · 02/07/2019 07:49

As a contractor he needs to be very proactive in getting work, it's not for everyone and whilst the money is better, that's because there's always periods without work. If he doesn't have the tenacity and persistence to get regular contracts it just won't be enough ever. Personally I think heading to your parents is a smart move and let him try and get his business off the ground

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