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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crap weekend.

3 replies

Secondsight · 01/07/2019 20:22

Well not really just a bad week. A long term friend seems to be ditching me, a workman has buggered off and hasn't finished the work I've paid for just feeling a little stressed.
I've been seeing my DP for 18 months we don't live together. We see each other once during the week and the weekend.
On Sunday he ran in a race and I Marshalled. I had said before hand that I would like us to get something to eat after but when he finished the race at 12 he said I will see you next week.
I was upset but apparently he hadn't heard me saying that that's what I'd like but at the time he agreed. I was feeling low and just knew this was going to happen.
He then said he would go for something to eat. It ended up being a heated discussion as I felt the weekends we were having were getting shorter and shorter. He only lives up the road. I understand he is busy and has things to do in the end I decided to go for a coffee and I just said we should just agree on all of our plans for the weekend.
The thing that bugs me is he is a very intense person and is always saying how much he misses me, loves me and he is very insecure I've had to give him a lot of reassurance.
There have been other occasions where he has said he hasn't read or heard something I don't think it's deliberate.
I'm going through the menopause and I feel as if he would have to be like that to me yesterday. Perhaps I came across as down but he said not as I'd apologised about moaning about my week. I know I'm feeling sensitive but I don't get how he can miss me so much and then want to cut things short. I feel as if I'm getting manipulated.
When he's done this before and I've been surprised he's going home so early I've said nothing and then when he comes back to see me he's so over the top and intense.
I think I'm going to step back from this. Any advice would help.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 01/07/2019 20:42

I'd step back from it. Sorry about your friend and workman.
I'd not ditch the guy but I would cool it down. See him on your terms.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/07/2019 21:01

Well, firstly, and I’ll be gentle: how often are you “down” or “moaning about your week”? Be honest with yourself. Because if you don’t see each other often and when you do meet up you tell him all about your week’s gripes then that might explain why he’s cutting things shorter each time.

If you genuinely don’t think you do this then unfortunately it sounds like he’s just not as invested in this as you are. Words are cheap, it’s much easier to butter somebody up and placate them by saying how much you love them and miss them than to actually put yourself out by spending time with them. Which leaves you two options: to give him a chance and say what you’ve said here and tell him you need him to demonstrate wanting to spend more time together; or to just tell him straight that you don’t feel he’s making an effort and end things. I don’t think simply cooking off or pulling back and waiting for (hoping?) him to pull his finger out is going to get you the result you want if he already isn’t particularly fussed.

Secondsight · 01/07/2019 22:00

Well I felt this weekend I was moaning but if I'm totally honest it's not that often. He has had his moments and is on anti-depressants and I have supported him. I know that as I was having an off day I was careful not to over react but I felt hurt.
I don't think pulling back is the answer and I know from experience that doesn't work but it will give me some space. I have a busy week ahead of me. I have said in the past that he has hurt my feelings but I'm not sure he gets that.

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