Perfect relationship except the sex

[ThinkShedKnowBetter]

I don't really know how to discuss this in real life, partly because I know I am an awful person.

My DH is an amazing man, he truly is and I am very lucky to have him. There are a couple of things that are on my mind and it isn't going away. Basically, the sex is rubbish and I don't fancy him as much as I used to due to his weight again. I used to be a sexual person before him, but he has killed my sex drive (we have been together 12 years). I have tried to talk to him (it hurt his feelings, and I was gentle about it) and tried to initiate new things but it just isn't working.

Quite a lot lately, and it is increasing - I find myself day dreaming about having sex with other men. One night out with friends I was propositioned and I didn't act on it - but I really wanted to! I adore DH, despite what I have written here, but the thought of being with him for the rest of my life (and I want to be) with rubbish/no sex is so depressing. I feel so rubbish, and I guess I deserve to for thinking like this. I don't know what to do really

I was in a sexless marriage and it literally made me a shadow of my former self. I too enjoyed a good sex life before meeting exdh. Lovely man too but selfish. He didn't have a problem with no sex as had a low sex drive.

I'm now married to a man perfect for me but kissed a few frogs after leaving dh1. Not suggesting you do that though.

I hope he begins to listen. It's a horrible way to live. Would he consider counselling?

Regarding not fancying him as he's overweight I don't see how to address that. He must know?

Forgot to ask do you have dcs together?

No DC thankfully

Re his weight, he does know. It is something we have discussed quite a few times and he makes an effort and loses it - but then becomes lazy with his exercise/diet and it increases again. It frustrates me I guess because it feels like he doesn't make an effort

We do have sex, it is ok when we do - but it doesn't wow me. I want better sex, ours is boring and he does suffer from PE which we have addressed and try things to make it last. It is me that says no because I don't see the point - I am just getting started and it is all over. We are older now, second time round rarely happens the same night. I am therefore frustrated and think what is the point in having it. I want better sex with him, he is my everything and I won't be without him. My thoughts/dreams are not about the men - just the sex

He probably won't change so it's either accept hom as he is or move on?

Do you have enough foreplay?

Him not hom!

He might have an eating disorder?

Go to Relate and discuss the issue?

From the title of your post I'd say its not a "perfect" relationship if you have poor sex & it bothers you. Lits go into making a telsyipnshop work & although sex may be only part of it, it seems it's a big part to you. I was in a similar position to you a few years back & we split up because I needed more than what she could give. Its not a fault on anyone's behalf (although PE can be addressed) if one if you wants more sex than he other. His weight gain is a minor issue as it can't be much if he loses it quite easily. If he was bothered about your poor sex life as much as you then he'd do something about it.......if he isn't doing so tgen it doesn't bother him & that being the case I think you need to leave him & find someone more compatible.