Am I settling?

[flowerpot7]

I’m 29 and DP of 1 year is 33 I love him and he treats me like a princess we get along so well travel together often and plan on buying a house together soon and starting a family next year.

When we first met I wasn’t too sure about him or the relationship but things have progressed and I started to fall for him but I’m not sure if I’m actually in love with him and feel the relationship lacks passion on my part. He ticks all the boxes it’s just that I’m not physically attracted to him like I have been in past relationships and can’t figure out if I’m settling as I feel that’s what I need to do now I’m approaching 30. Can a relationship thrive when I feel like this?

If you're asking the question then you know the answer - you wouldn't need to if you were happy.

This is a year in and you're having doubts. There is a reason for that. Don't rush into financial commitments if you're even slightly on the fence

Can I ask how long you've been together? It's tough when you're in your late twenties and it feels like the whole world is settling down. Can you see a future together? Think about the way he makes you feel- do you feel happy/content/settled/trusted? Attraction comes in many forms.

Sorry just seen it's been a year.

Do you fancy and desire him? It does sound a bit more clinical tbh.

I wasn't sure when I was introduced to my ex, however I tend to end up falling for someone if I know they like me, which is what happened, but I always had doubts and ignored them. I'm now getting divorced as I just got unhappier at having settled and just didn't want to be around him anymore.

Is it a recent feeling or is it something that has been brewing?
My initial reaction would be as PP said if you need to ask the question then you know the answer.

But also on the other side of the coin it can be easy to get bored/overthink your feelings when in a steady, solid relationship if it's going well (I'm saying if I don't know your situation) and you don't have explosive arguments/making up and all the ups and downs.

How would you feel if he wasn't in your life anymore?

It's up to you to try and figure out which one is it.

I think because so much of a relationship is dependant on physical interaction (sex), what do you feel when you do this? Do you feel like you're kind of forcing yourself? If so, that's not a healthy way to be.

It says a year in the first line of the OP FantasticMissFox...

OP, you know this isn’t enough for you. If it’s lacking passion and excitement at this point things will only get worse.

He deserves to be with someone who adores him so set him free and give yourselves both the chance to find the people you should really be with.

And when a man walks past who flicks all your switches...what will you do then? Before having children or after?

I couldn’t stay with someone I didn’t have amazing chemistry with. I didn’t fancy my ex and I became resentful after a few years. I’m now with someone I get along with so well but also fancy the pants off him. If your gut instinct is telling you the relationship isn’t quite right then you should listen to that

Don't do it.
Let him find someone who completely wants him and save yourself from a half life.

We've been together for just over a year. I do love him for everything that he and I do see a future with him it’s just I don’t feel sexually attracted to him like I have done in past relationships but they were not healthy stable relationships so makes me wonder if this is why. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fact is, op, grand passion doesn't always last when you're living together full time. If you love the man you might find the passion improves with time which is far better than the other way around.

Grand passion doesn't last forever no. But it doesn't sound like there's any passion here.

I get what you're saying if precious relationships were dysfunctional though. The highs and lows can be addictive and then meeting someone normal feels boring just because you're not anxiously strung out for them.

There is a happy medium though. And at 29 I wouldn't settle for something if I wasn't sure. It's not fair on either of you.

Different people value different things. I would rather marry a man who didn’t make me howl with desire for him - that goes anyway - if it was a choice between that and mutual respect, affection, shared sense of humour, similar values etc, a reasonable level of physical attraction and so on.

After I split with ex I started seeing a 'safe' dependable man.
Honest, kind, adored me.
Knew he'd never hurt me and always be there for me.

BUT. I just didn't love him.

We stayed friends but at 29 I met dh.

Ex went in ti Marry one of my friends and adopt her 2 dds

And almost 25 years love each other more than ever and fancy each other just as much.
In fact once our 'baby' went off to uni we entered a second honeymoon phase :)