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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

to ask for hand hold re facing my abuser in court?

13 replies

remaremote · 01/07/2019 11:22

My ex was a horrible abusive man. It was mainly emotional, and the physical never got further than him punching walls and throwing things at the wall next to me. I got an ex parte non molestation order against him and he's not seen his son now for months. This is due to some real safeguarding issues. He's only a baby and not really safe to be on his own with him. SS have recommended he has no contact due to previous behaviour.

I've had the response to my non molestation order, and he's made up so many lies. Made out that he's Dad of the year. That he supported me financially and emotionally. It's sickening to read.

The truth is, he was financially controlling, emotionally abusive, angry, aggressive, and manipulative person. How I didn't see it whilst I was in the midst of it, I do not know.

I'm now terrified that I don't have a huge amount of evidence to back this up, and he's so charming that he will manipulate the court in to thinking he's a wonderful person and I don't need protection from him.

I'm really quite scared of him and since the non mol has been in place I've been free from his abuse.

AIBU to be concerned about the court buying in to him and his lies? Does anyone know if non mols are easily contested? I'm so scared to have to sit in court and listen to his very convincing lies about me.

OP posts:
remaremote · 01/07/2019 11:50

Bump 😥

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 01/07/2019 11:52

I’m afraid I can’t advise but here for a bump and hand hold

endofthelinefinally · 01/07/2019 11:52

Ask for your post to be moved to relationships.
There are many women there who have been where you are now.
I am sorry you are going through this.
Flowers

remaremote · 01/07/2019 11:53

Thank you. I've asked for it to be moved.

OP posts:
remaremote · 01/07/2019 12:08

Bumping now this is in relationships. Thanks MN.

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 01/07/2019 12:18

I don't have any advice OP but I'm confident there are many on here who have faced similar situations and will be able to help you

Sooverthemill · 01/07/2019 12:23

I had to do this and while it was absolutely hell to do it I'm pleased I did. He lied and laughed and was so horrible in court. I cried throughout my testimony. IME the court questioned him quite closely and made him give facts. Then it was my turn. But the order was made in my favour and it totally removed him from my life and speeded up the divorce. Can you take a friend with you in the day? I didn't but had a lovely solicitor who bought me a G&T with lunch! Good luck.

remaremote · 01/07/2019 12:25

@Sooverthemill I'm going to take someone from my local DV charity which is really helpful. They give me a lot of strength. I'm hoping he's going to trip over his lies. I'm glad they ruled in your favour.

OP posts:
SnowsInWater · 01/07/2019 12:25

Are there any services that provide court support? I'm in Sydney and there is a DV court advocacy service where someone will be with the victim in court, hopefully you can access something like that.

The courts are very used to "charming men", hopefully you can trust them to do their job. Good luck 💐

remaremote · 01/07/2019 12:35

@SnowsInWater I'm not sure but I might email the court and ask.

OP posts:
remaremote · 01/07/2019 12:36

Thank you!

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 01/07/2019 20:37

Still here for the handhold / bump incase you get some of the evening crowd x

Mary1935 · 01/07/2019 20:40

Hi OP get a copy of the social services report if they had safe guarding issues with him. Unless he’s had brain surgery it’s unlikely he’s changed.
🌺

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